Betrayed Feelings
by arelia22
Summary: After months of being a normal human, Ichigo noticed how different everyone acted around him. Seeing how everyone treated him like glass, he decided to leave Karakura Town and left for the city never to be seen again. But 10 years later his job required him to return.
1. Rediscovering feelings

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach in anyway, I only screw around with the original story for educational (making fanfic) purposes.

"Normal Talking"

'Thoughts'

"**Hollowfied Tensa Zangetsu"**

**Comment on the above: Ichigo will have his shinigami powers but exactly like when he fought in the dangai, there is no Hollow and Zanpaktou, they are merged.**

#1#

'Before I defeated Aizen, I thought that being normal was what I always wanted. After losing my powers, I noticed how wrong I was.'

'I hated how everyone acted around me, treating me like glass. They would be careful not to mention a word about that other world and change their conversations when I was nearby. Even my sisters that were more aware of the spiritual world would talk about those stuff! Yet never in my presence… I was alone…. Being a useless, normal, everyday human and trying to make me unaware of _that_ world was making it worse than if they talked about it at my face.'

'I couldn't take it….! So, I did the only thing I could think of. Two years after the war, after I graduated high school, I left my _home _–which felt less warm than ever before- and left only a note behind…'

'I never regretted my decision even 10 years later. Because the thing that made me break wasn't the talk about hollows or shinigami that I occasionally overheard. No, what broke me was the cold shoulder I would get. I felt betrayed. So I never regretted it.'

'Even now.'

#1#

_BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP_

The annoying beeping sound resounded throughout the entire room even as a low groan was heard besides it. A man in his late twenties, twenty-eight to be exact, was having trouble waking up as he blearily opened his eyes and turned towards his nightstand.

"Okay, okay, I'm up now."

He turned the alarm clock off and stood up to stretch and make a big yawn before blinking to further wake himself up.

The man had pitch black hair that passed his neck slightly, messy bangs covering up most of brownish amber eyes. He was tall at 1.81 cm, but had the slim and muscular build of a swimmer. His features angular and obviously handsome, with peach colored skin that was tanned just the right shade.

The raven head walked to the bathroom lazily and took a quick bath before going downstairs to grab some toast and coffee in the kitchen for a light breakfast. He was thinking about practicality. After all, he had to review the last chapter of his latest novel before his annoying editor came by to demand it to be finished even though the deadline was still two weeks away.

Grabbing his laptop, he sat on a black leather couch in the living room, toast in mouth and coffee on low glass table, black framed glasses in place and ready to read. Eyeing the screen and taking a sip of coffee every once in a while, he was almost finished when a sudden knock at his door alerted him of visitors. Knowing only one person would ever come up to his door before being stopped by security, he went to open the door before _she_ decided to kick the door down.

"Open the door! I know you're in there!"

Louder knocking was heard until he opened the door with a sigh while shaking his head at the person standing on the other side. At his door, was a women in her late thirties. Brown hair tied in a tail at her left side, green eyes and white milky skin. She wore a business suit and low black heals that helped her with the petite height she had.

"What took you so long?"

"It's a long trip from the living room to the door."

"Hum, you always make excuses. Well I'm tired of your god damn excuses, Ichigo."

Not even waiting to see if he would let her in, she walked past him and into the living room, foregoing the formalities and sitting on the couch cross legged while taking a bite of the toast on the table like if it were her own home.

"Is the story done Ichi-chan?"

Ichigo, which had been left behind in the entrance, came in with a glass of water and placed it in front of the woman. He took a seat right in front of her and didn't even take a second glance in her direction as he concentrated on his laptop.

"I'm giving it a last minute review." The raven head muttered in an even tone.

The green eyed women just nodded as temporary silence graced the room. The editor concentrating on staring at the man, and Ichigo concentrating on his work.

A full ten minutes later, the writer sighed and took off his glasses to place them on the coffee table. He shifted, glancing back at the women and passing a memory stick.

"Okay, it's finished."

Giving a nod at the statement, she grabbed the archive and put it in her bag.

"Now, the other reason I came here personally." She stated expertly with an amused smirk.

"Isn't it to just bug me?"

Being offended by the other's comment, she scowled and slammed her hand on the glass coffee table –her anger not reaching its highest limits even then.

"Bug you!? I wouldn't have to come here all the time if it weren't for possibility you could just die and no one finds out! You have no friends, you live alone in this big ass pent house at the top of a building, you have no communication what's so ever with anyone and you NEVER go out unless it's to go jogging!"

"If you break the table you're paying it." Ichigo stated absently.

The women just bristled "What?! You're the one with the money!" She shook her head to shrug off the distraction "And that's not the point!"

Letting out a big sigh and calming down, she crossed her arms over her chest and closed her eyes to try and compose her shaken state. She honestly didn't know why she bothered in the first place. Ichigo never reacted to it anyway!

"Don't you get that we worry about you?" She muttered lowly, and defeated "Everyone at the editorial do. Heck, even the boss does; and you know how that shitty geezer is."

"I can take care of myself. I'm not a teenager anymore." He grumbled in response, his pose mirroring that of the women.

"We know you're not. But… how do you want us to not worry when you're like this?"

Raising an eyebrow at the comment but not really incurring as to what she meant, he could only stare back at her and hope she understood.

"I mean look at yourself." She elaborated "Since I became your editor, I think I can read people easier since you're so blank and rarely have an expression. Then there's the fact you never go out and haven't contacted your family since you left."

Looking down, not wanting to retort at all, the only thing Ichigo could do was respond while completely avoiding eye contact –his fisted hands being much more entertaining.

"I have no need to." He responded softly –mournfully.

Hard, green eyes softened at seeing her writer with such a solemn expression. She wished she could do something for the former orange head. After all, she was the one that discovered his talent and helped him get to where he is now -where he can't even go out his door without finding someone wanting an autograph.

"Like I said in the beginning Ichigo, no more excuses. The boss won't take a no for an answer anymore, nor will he ask you for permission. You're going on a forced vacation."

Not saying anything, Ichigo just kept looking down in defeat. He knew this would happen sooner or later. It's not like he didn't want to go out, it's just that he felt safer in his apartment. Since he left home -and dyed his hair black- he has never tried to contact his family.

"We're sending you to a smaller town away from the city. Maybe that way you'll get some fresh air, a change of scenery. We already rented you a house for a month. And you'll have to do you're shopping yourself, no hiring someone so you can stay indoors all day long."

"Alright." He spoke up grudgingly "And where are my _forced_ vacations?"

Smiling once she saw the resigned expression on the former orange head, she took out a pen and paper from her bag with a set of keys to go with it. She scribbled down an address before handing it over to the man.

"It's a town named Karakura."

Ichigo looked up to see if his editor wasn't joking around with him with only slight, wide eyes. Sure, no one knew where he used to live. But who knew, this could all be some bad joke, right?

"Wh-What?"

Blinking in confusion, she couldn't miss the slight surprise in Ichigo's eyes. Eyes that held such loneliness one would believe he lost everything once.

"Have you been there?"

"I-I used to-…" He spluttered incoherently "…it's my hometown."

"Oh…"

The room went in silence. She didn't expect the town to be one he knew, less of all were he used to live. After all, Ichigo always kept his past a secret. They only knew he left his hometown once he graduated from high school because he couldn't bear being in that town anymore. And that's all, no details, no why's, no nothing. The best the company got from him was: I left in bad terms with my family and friends. So they knew they weren't dead or anything cruel like that. But the depressed look was all they needed to not push the boy for answers. Now he wasn't a boy, he was a man and he needed to face his problems sooner or later.

"Mizuki…" He whispered inaudibly.

"Yes? I didn't hear that last part, sorry."

"I said, when do I leave?" Ichigo said louder.

Mizuki couldn't help but smile seeing that he wasn't acting like a kid behind their mother's skirt. At least he was trying to face his problems.

"Tomorrow. The place is furnaced already, just take clothing and anything else you need."

Nodding in understanding Ichigo stood up from the couch and stretched his sore muscles, hearing a pop here and there where bones cracked back in place.

"You shouldn't stay seated all day." She reprimanded "Do some exercise in between your work."

"Nah, its better do it all in one go."

Sighing in defeat Mizuki stood up from the coach as well and went towards the door.

"Well I have to go. Take care Ichi-chan."

"… You're only a decade older" Ichigo pointed out after staring at the women in blank exasperation "You can't call me Ichi-chan."

Pouting at the lack of expression coming from her writer, she could only slump her shoulders in defeat once more.

"The day I get an expression from you that isn't a scowl or blank, is the day I'll celebrate till dawn."

"Well good luck with that."

Taking route once more to the door, she opened it and stood right outside to give her final goodbyes to the man.

"Have fun Ichi-chan!"

Ichigo slammed the door shut and turned around into his house to pack with an uninterested expression.

"I will without you." He muttered under his breath.

"**Ah~, don't be so mean. It was funnier when you actually got flustered by all kind of comments." A voice pointed out from no-where-in-particular.**

"Like I care what you think" The raven head responded with equal blankness.

"**See what I mean?" The zanpaktou-hollow noted.**

"You know… I hate how sometimes your hollow side comes out more than your zanpaktou one."

"**Like I care what you think." **

"Touche."

Ichigo was actually pretty happy by now –in contrast to his earlier mood in having to think about his family. Talking to Tensa, he remembered the first time he heard him 4 years ago. For a second there, he thought it was a dream. After all, he _did_ lose his shinigami powers after defeating Aizen. And for them to return 8 years later, was actually satisfactory.

'It's been 12 years since the war…" He thought solemnly, yet nostalgically "10 years since I left home right after I finished High school. And even now I feel betrayed. Was I thrown to the side because I was useless? Will they try to use me for their battles if they know my powers came back?'

All those thoughts passed his mind more than once, and now he was actually glad he had gone to a new plain of existence after his dangai training and no one could feel his reiatsu.

"It's not raining is it...?"

"**No it's not…" 'But there's no sun anymore' Tensa thought silently.**

Sighing and feeling down, Zangetsu couldn't help but think that his welder was in a bad state even if it didn't rain anymore. Ichigo rarely even scowled anymore, let alone smile. Even if he didn't want to, he just hoped someone recognized him. It would do him some good.

#1#

The next day, Ichigo woke up before his alarm because he needed to leave early so as to not arrive late in Karakura town. He started loading his car with boxes full of books, notes, storyboards, erasers and cases with clothing and other stuff he would need.

When he finished loading the car, he left the garage and went to take a shower before leaving. Once he showered he changed into black jeans, dark blue, long sleeved, button up shirt hanging loosely instead of being tucked in, and black shoes.

Once he was done, he took a last glance at his house, locked the doors, made sure to close all the windows and made his way to the garage and drove away; leaving the city behind and taking the road.

After a long drive, he started to see a familiar sight. Buildings that started to make him feel nostalgic, streets that made him think of so many memories. He searched in his pocket to find the address Mizuki had given him only to pale at seeing he knew right away where that was.

Around the corner from the clinic.

"Just my luck." He muttered grouchily.

Taking the familiar route to his new house, he drove into his driveway and inside the garage.

He sighed, getting off the car and stretching since it had been a long ride. He scanned the empty garage and sighed once again before walking towards his trunk.

"Great, now time to unpack."

The house wasn't as big as his house back in the city. But he liked it more than the old one. It had four bedrooms -a master bedroom and three others with barely enough to be considered habitable- three bathrooms -one connected to the master bedroom with a big tub and the other two scattered throughout the house- a homey living room, a kitchen the same size as the one they had in the Kurosaki household, and the most important part, a big studio with shelves and various books.

"This is better than I thought." He spoke absently "Though there're too many bedrooms. It's just me, why would I need three others?"

Seeing as he hadn't eaten dinner, he went to the kitchen to try and find something to eat. Entering the kitchen, he opened the fridge to find nothing, the drawers, and nothing; as well as every single place in the kitchen, empty.

"They couldn't have filled in my kitchen…? Oh well, let's go shopping."

Grabbing his keys and heading towards the door to go shopping he left his house behind and walked through familiar paths. He had gone to the market where he used to go when he lived there, and was surprised to find someone he knew so soon.

Inoue and Ishida were shopping, though what really surprised him was the baby bump that Inoue had.

'Wow! Never expected that one. Good thing I dyed my hair black or I would have been caught right away.'

"**Maybe you should greet them."**

'I don't think so, I'm okay how I am now. I'll be leaving in a month anyway.'

He was about to walk away to continue his shopping when he overheard the orange-haired women speak to the raven head. He continued grabbing his things, but also kept an ear on the conversation.

"Ne Uryuu-kun, maybe I can cook tonight and make you something special."

Ichigo looked back to see a smiling, but nervous Ishida trying to get out of letting her cook and couldn't help but feel a twitch of his own lips trying to do their best to smile.

"I don't think that's such a good idea."

'So she still cooks weird.' He thought amusingly.

Ichigo couldn't help but smile slightly at hearing his friends so happy. He was glad they had gone on with their lives too.

(Someone inside Ichigo's inner world was smirking at the success he suspected. He was happy that Ichigo had smiled even if barely noticeable.)

Ichigo, not really noticing where he was going, suddenly bumped into Inoue which almost fell on her bottom if it weren't for Ishida that caught her.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm such an air head. I wasn't looking where I was going."

"No, it was my fault. I'm sorry."

Turning around in a hurry before he was discovered, he went to pay and leave.

Or tried to anyway.

"Kurosaki?"

His eyes widened in shock but he stayed still and didn't turn to look at the Quincy. He suspected the man had a calculative gaze plastered on his face and was actually scared to find what he expected.

"Don't be silly Uryuu-kun, Kurosaki-kun doesn't have black hair."

Narrowing eyes at the unresponsive black haired man he had in his grasp, Ishida couldn't shake the feeling that this man was their long lost friend – the fact that he had yet to respond in any way made his suspicions increase.

On the other hand, Ichigo couldn't breathe without feeling he would choke. He felt terror thanks to the possibilities that passed through his head. So many unrealistic outcomes coming to mind, it wasn't shocking that he stated to panic.

'I can't let him know it's me. He'll tell the others. They'll notice I got my powers back. They'll think I'm useful again, they'll-'

"It is you, isn't it?"

Looking back to see Ishida again, he couldn't help but feel his breath hitch in his throat. And before he could process anything, he shook off of his friend, and ran away; hearing the pleas from Inoue and Ishida to stop.

He didn't know what to think. Why did he run? Why did he feel such terror at being discovered? He wasn't afraid of them. So why? Why did he feel so betrayed, lonely and hurt?

Why…?

**To be continued…**

Hope you like it and thanks in advance to those that have favorite, followed or reviewed.

**(Note: Revised version. Edited -grammar, redaction etc. - 27/03/15)**


	2. A chance

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach in anyway, I only screw around with the original story for educational (making fanfic) purposes.

"Normal Talking"

'Thoughts'

"**Hollowfied Tensa Zangetsu"**

**Comment on the above: Ichigo will have his shinigami powers but exactly like when he fought in the dangai, there is no Hollow and Zanpaktou, they are merged.**

#2#

Ichigo couldn't process well his thoughts, he didn't know what to think, the thought of being discovered made him feel absolute terror, and the worst of all even he didn't know why he felt like that all of a sudden.

He hadn't stopped running since he left the market and his luck was getting worse when it started to rain and soak him wet, but even so he didn't stop to get shelter, he didn't think about his mother that was always in his mind when it rained, he could only think of getting home and shutting himself in his room.

When he arrived home, he took the keys and with many tries since his hands were trembling from the cold and fear, he entered his house, locked the door, not even bothering to change and went directly to bed, covering himself under the sheets of his bed.

"Why…? I just don't get it."

"**Get what?"**

"I never thought I would react the way I did, but now… I just can't stop feeling hurt."

"**Did you ever think of it this way? You were being isolated because they thought mention of that world would just hurt you, and that same isolation is what broke you in the end. You come back and the first thing that happens is you get attention from those that caused your pain... what would be your minds first reaction be?"**

Seeing as how Zangetsu seemed to be in one of his wise moments, he couldn't retort in any way because the way he put it was so right it almost pained him. He felt tired, the wetness of the rain and the hunger he had felt were soon forgotten as he went to sleep under the covers.

#2#

Ishida and Inoue's first thoughts when Ichigo left running was that he really was Kurosaki Ichigo. They soon enough decided to inform everyone about their new discovery because they would not let this chance slip. After 10 years of not being able to find word of Ichigo, even this little occurrence was enough for everyone to leave what they were doing and reunite in the usual place, everyone's favorite candy shop, Urahara Shoten.

The people that came together despite the weather outside were: Chad, Tatsuki, Keigo, Mizuiro, Karin, Yuzu, Isshin, Urahara, Yoruichi, Tessai, Ishida and Inoue. All were settled down and seated around the circular table, they all had tea and but no one even touched it, they were all waiting to hear what Ishida had to tell them, what news he had discovered of Ichigo.

"Well?! Don't just stay silent. What did you find out?"

Taking a deep breath and releasing a sigh, Ishida pushed his glasses up into position and looked back at the raven head that had decided to speak up. Tatsuki.

"Orihime and I, we… saw him in the market a little while ago."

Everyone was shocked, they didn't expect him to be here, and they all thought Ishida had finally gathered some information from his contacts as a doctor all around Japan.

"Really? It's not someone else…. It really is oni-chan?"

Everyone seemed to look at the small shy girl that Yuzu used to be, now she was older and rarely if ever cried, since the day Ichigo left they all realized the mistake they made, all still had fresh in their mind the letter the orange head had left them the day after graduating from high school.

_One may think glass will shatter if you hit it with something with enough force, but, glass can also break if you let it alone to rot with time._

_You all thought it was best to leave me out of everything as to not make me depressed, to not make me miserable. You all thought all this time I was mourning the loss of my powers when that was never true. Because I knew you would all be there for me I decided to look towards the future. But I lost more than my powers that day, I lost the friends I knew were waiting for me, because all this time I was mourning the loose of greet friends that would trust me and I would trust them. In the end, your very precautions made me break._

_Good bye, I'll be fine so don't look for me because I don't think I would be able to take it._

That was the letter Ichigo had left in his room the day after graduation, he left his room completely intact barely took clothing and took his documents and left. That day was the day they noticed their biggest mistake, and the worst of it all was they had needed Ichigo to point it out or else they would have never noticed.

"It really was him, I just know it… he had black hair though, but even without his reiatsu; someone wouldn't have been so shocked and panicked at the idea of being mistaken for someone else."

"So you spoke up to him?"

Everyone looked to see the dad of the one they were talking about, he looked older, significantly older after Ichigo left, everyone could tell that if someone took it hard it had been Isshin, he had kept on saying it was his fault and what a horrible dad he had been, never being able to explain to Ichigo why he was a captain, never showing his affection like the girls. He felt like a failure.

"I did, he bumped into Orihime and apologized, once he saw us went rushing away to pay but I grabbed him by the arm and called him. He just… froze, and then he looked back to see me… his eyes were wide and they held nothing but terror. Before I could even react he shacked me off and left off running."

"He's still hurting after all this time… I wonder if he'll ever be able to forgive us."

Once Inoue had spoken up no one dared continue, because it was true, they had caused his pain and he was still paying the price, they felt they could never ask for his forgiveness, but they could at least try to set things right.

"We are going to find Ichi-ni, we have to, it's the least we could do for him."

"That's right Kurosaki-san, we made the mistake now we pay it… though we're going to have to inform Soul society."

Everyone looked to see the candy shop owner, they had to fix their biggest mistake.

"Are they still looking for him?"

"Haven't we all? They still are… not the same as 10 years ago when they deployed 25 shinigami, but there is always at least 2 people coming to look every now and then."

"Let me guess who those 2 are… Kuchiki-san and Abarai-san."

"That's right Asano-san they are still searching for him, because the guilt won't let them work to their best potential. Obviously they would get permission to search since even the captain commander feels the burden of never showing their gratitude appropriately… Even if they always had a shinigami protecting him, he never knew because he couldn't see them."

They had to find him that was what everyone thought, it was necessary they needed to do this because they would never be able to live well without apologizing properly, and most of all seeing he is actually well.

#2#

Two days had passed since the group got together in the Shoten, everyone would go out and patrol the city in their free times, Renji and Rukia came to the living world once word was sent, they were given a temporary leave to find him and would spend all their day searching. But even with 14 people, they were never going to find him if Ichigo spent his time locked up in his house.

He was currently waking up from the second nap he had taken this day, he had been sleeping most of the two days since he saw Ishida and Inoue in the market, only getting up to go to the bathroom and drink water.

"**Ichigo, maybe you should eat something."**

"I'm not… hungry."

Ichigo's voice was hoarse, he felt thorns in his throat and the pain he thought at first was thanks to seeing his friends again was now so real he started to think it was something else.

"**You have to eat something, you'll die if you continue like this."**

"That… wouldn't be such a…. bad idea."

"**ICHIGO!"**

"Okay okay… I'm getting up."

Ichigo got up from his bed and went with much difficulty to the kitchen, when he passed by the living room he saw that there was a voice mail on his phone and checked it.

"_Hey Ichi-chan! If you're not answering I can just hope you're outside like we told you to and not dying on the floor. But anyway, I'm going to send someone to do the cleaning every once in a while, don't worry she has key. Bye and have fun."_

"Stupid Mizuki, I can… do cleaning myself."

Stumbling on his feet but making way to the kitchen he went to try and open a cabinet when he started to feel dizzy.

"Ow… my head."

And before he could try to sit down to let the dizziness subside he fell with a loud thud to the floor.

"Damn Mizuki…"

Feeling more pain than before and not being able to move from the numbness he passed out into a deep sleep.

#2#

Haruka was a middle aged lady that was going to do her job, she worked for a cleaners company and was going to clean a house by order of her boss's good friend Mizuki, and since the owner of the house was said to live alone in a big house, of course they would need some cleaning service.

She arrived at the big house and took out her key from the purse when no one answered the door bell, she entered the house to find it quiet and relatively clean with a few exceptions of the bedroom and bathroom. She was checking all the rooms to see how much work she had when she entered the kitchen to find a man with black hair passed out on the floor. He was pale and had a red flushed cheeks showing he wasn't in a good state what's so ever.

Panicking she did the first thing she thought of was run out of the house to the clinic around the corner she knew was there. When she entered the clinic she found a man in his 50's that seemed very tired and had black hair.

"Yes what can I help you with?"

"The owner of a house I was going to clean was collapsed on the floor! He he looks bad and…"

Entering doctor mode and pushing the tiredness aside he stood up and went to grasp the ladies shoulder to calm her down.

"Where's the house?"

"It's it's right around the corner."

Seemingly frogeting the startled women in the clinic, Isshin grabbed his doctor's case and went running to the house that was pretty close by, only 2 houses away, just around the corner. Seeing the door wide open he knew that was the house and entered it without a second thought, looking around the women entered and told him he was in the kitchen, but when he entered the kitchen his heart dropped low.

There on the floor was his son with black hair just like Ishida had said 2 days ago, he was pale, flushed, and looked skinnier than before.

"Ichigo!"

Haruka was surprised to find that the doctor knew the man, after all he had just moved in but the face the doctor made was that of horror at seeing the raven head on the floor.

"Do you know him?"

"He's my son. I'll be taking him to the clinic, he'll be okay, thank you for finding him, you don't know how much this means to us after 10 years that we haven't even heard of him."

She felt relief and happiness at hearing the doctor, she was pretty startled at first, but now knowing the doctor was his father she could work in peace knowing he would be in good hands.

Isshin kneeled next to Ichigo and gently picked him up in his arms, taking him bridal style and feeling dread when he wasn't as heavy as a healthy man his age should weigh. He carried him and asked Haruka to lock the door when she finished her job, Isshin took a spare set of keys that were on the counter so when Ichigo returned he would be able to enter, and he left in a hurry to the small trip to the clinic.

Once he arrived he was relieved that Yuzu had her shift at the hospital and Karin was out training for the soccer match that was coming along, he wouldn't want the girls to see their brother in the state he was and would never want them to feel more panicked than he was right now.

He connected Ichigo to a heart monitor and inserted a needle for the serum and inserted medicine through it for his fever and pains hoping he would wake up soon, once his fever started to die down.

#2#

The first thing Ichigo felt when he started to wake up was pain, pain that was soon subsided and turned to soreness and a very dry throat. He moaned in pain when his eyes felt the light of the room, he wanted to sit up but felt someone pick him up slightly and press a cup of what he noticed was water at his lips. With much difficulty but delight he drank some sips of the water that felt precious to his throat. Being laid down again he tried to open his eyes to see who was helping him, he knew he lived alone, he remembered trying to go to the kitchen, so why did he hear a beeping and smell like a hospital.

Once he opened his eyes and saw where he was and who was attending him he wanted to run, he felt the need to run away once again but couldn't find the strength to move, much less run. So the best he could do was stare wide eyed at his dad, the man that looked way older than what he should look like, the man that seemed to be extremely tired but even so have worry in his eyes.

"How do you feel?"

…

He didn't know what to say, should he brush him off, should act like nothing happened, should he answer him truthfully or curse this very situation he was stuck in.

"Ichigo… please, I'm begging you, talk to me."

The plea and the desperate voice coming from the man he knew would never act like that made him gain the courage to speak once again, he still felt uncomfortable, but the best he could do is treat him as the doctor he is.

"I feel better."

Isshin felt relived Ichigo had spoken up even if he had a face of indifference. That was still better than nothing, seeing that made him feel there could be hope.

"I feel much better, so I'll be leaving. Thank you for your services, if you would tell me the cost than I will be on my way."

That shattered Isshin's hope in one strike, he wanted to leave when he had practically collapsed in his house and would have died from the fever he had. He wanted to pay his own dad and leave like a stranger.

"Wh-What are you talking about Ichigo, pay your old man? Leave? You would have died if the lady that was cleaning your house hadn't found you."

Ichigo closed his eyes for a second and shifted into a sitting position, he opened his eyes once more but this time held no emotion what so ever, he had fierce determination and narrowed his eyes when he looked at Isshin with harsh eyes.

"I will be leaving weather you want me to or not so I recommend you tell me the cost so I can leave. I have work to do and matters to attend."

Isshin couldn't believe how cold Ichigo was acting, he held no kindness no hesitation what so ever and that broke his heart, what he didn't know was that in the inside Ichigo was breaking down, breaking by the saddened face his dad held, breaking because he couldn't stand to see his dad so tired and worried, breaking down thanks to his own actions that made him want to stop and apologize. But most of all he just wanted to leave, he wanted to leave and if being harsh was the only way than he would do so.

"We-we've been… looking for you… all this time… and even now since Ishida told us… we've been looking all over for you…"

"I told you not to look for me."

Not being able to take it anymore Ichigo stood up and yanked the needle from his veins, disconnected the heart monitor and grabbed his keys. He looked directly in the yes at his dad, but couldn't bear to see the sadness he had and looked down, black bangs covering eyes that had started to form tears, he didn't want to be here, he wanted to leave, he wanted to remember everyone as the best people in the world, as those that stood besides him in the good times and th bad ones. He just wanted to forget those 2 years he had to bear in loneliness and only remember the good things, at least that way, it wouldn't pain him to see them again, he wouldn't hold fear and hurt in his heart.

"Thank you."

He grabbed from his pocket money and put it on the counter, he was about to leave when his dad grabbed his shoulder.

"Please… let me call everyone… let's talk this…"

"I have stuff to do."

"You can come when you're not busy."

"I don't like to go out."

"Then we'll go to your house. I already know where you live, I carried you here."

Silence. Isshin still had Ichigo in his grasp but Isshin never once did he take his gaze off Ichigo's back, he wouldn't turn around because he knew he couldn't take it, he wasn't prepared for this and it made it worse.

"…How many?"

Isshin was confused, how many? What was that supposed to mean?

"How many what?"

"How many of you will come…?"

Isshin widened in eyes, he felt so happy, they were getting a chance, he wanted to jump in happiness and hug his son. But he had to suppress the urge to do so or he would lose his chance.

"You're giving us a chance? Oh you don't know how much this means to me."

"If I don't you'll keep on pestering me anyways. So? How many?"

"… 13… why?"

"Tomorrow, I'll make dinner, but just this once."

"Ichigo you don't have to make dinner. You live alone, save your money."

"You'll lose your chance… tomorrow at dinner."

And before Isshin could retort he left through the door and went his wasy back home. Isshin was left speechless, he had just gained a chance and he would not lose it, they would all fix this mistake and fix it even if he wouldn't forgive them, he could at least try.

Isshin decided to start and call everyone to inform them of the chance they had gained and to forget anything they had planned and do what was needed to be done. He was going to go get the phone when he remembered Ichigo had left money on the counter and thought he would give it back tomorrow but what he saw made his eyes widen.

He had left [insert money] yen, what was the boy thinking leaving that much like if it were nothing, he should know the prices of the clinic from 10 years ago he should have known he paid him 20 times what was necessary.

Brushing the topic off he went to do what was more important, inform everyone.

#2#

Ichigo didn't know what came over him, he had decided NOT to see them because it would pain him too much and all of a sudden he invites them to dinner like if they were all good pals. He was happy to get away from the clinic without being spotted by Yuzu and Karin because he wouldn't be able to take it.

With Ishida and his dad he was very surprised and as thus couldn't suppress the urge to run away, he hoped tomorrow wouldn't be as painful and most of all that he would be able to get them to leave him alone once they saw he was fine and didn't need their attention anymore, because now he felt better like that, when he needed them they all tried to push him away as to not pain him, and now they are trying to pull him back in and is just causing him the pain they wanted to avoid.

#2#

The next day the gang got together in the Kurosaki clinic to go together towards Ichigo's house, all were happy that they had gained an opportunity but the emotions the held for Ichigo were quite different. There were those that wanted to kick him and yell at him for being so stupid and not telling them how he felt before leaving, other just wanted to apologize until the world ended for their stupidity and so on. Those that were present were Isshin, Yuzu, Karin, Ishida, Inoue, Chad, Tatsuki, Keigo, Mizuiro, Yoruichi, Urahara, Rukia and Renji. They all left the clinic in relatively silence until Isshin stopped in front of Ichigo's house around the corner.

"You sure it's this house goat-face? Because if you ask me it doesn't look like a house for a person that lives alone."

Everyone noticed that what Karin had said was more than true, why would a single man want such a big house, it was even bigger than the Kurosaki house not including the clinic of course.

"I'm sure of it, there is no doubt about it. Though it is a big house."

Everyone had to agree, but no one complained because after all, only Isshin knew were the house was. The big group went to the door and rang the bell, waiting for someone to open up. When they heard the door being opened they were surprised to see the Ichigo they remembered with pitch black hair, longer than what he used to have, a green apron and black framed glasses on. He opened the door but didn't say anything as he widened in eyes and left running to the kitchen were you could smell food coming from, since the door was left open they let themselves in and shut the door behind them. They were all in awe at the house, it was pretty well furnaced, most of the things in the house looked expensive and it seemed even bigger in the inside. They all followed the delicious smell in the air to the kitchen where they found something they never expected to see. Ichigo was cooking like a pro, he was reading from a little notebook and going over the food to see if everything was in place.

"The food is ready, you might as well sit down on the table."

"I'll… help you."

Yuzu went to the kitchen to help Ichigo bring the last dishes to the long glass table, the whole time Ichigo was silent while the rest where whispering a comment or two about how big and expensive the house seemed to be.

Once the plates were served everyone stared at the food Ichigo had prepared before he started eating. They all thought how good everything smelled and looked, they were all surprised until Isshin voiced everyone's thoughts.

"I didn't know you could cook."

"Staying indoors all the time makes you learn things that you can only do in your house. Eat, I don't know you guys but I'm hungry."

When they all heard his response they were quite puzzled by why he would stay inside all the time, but they decided to start eating before it went cold. Once they tasted the first bite they all felt like melting at the awesome taste it held.

"This is soooo good."

"Thank you Inoue."

They all seemed to relax when Ichigo responded calmly, apparently he wasn't as startled as thy thought he would be taking in consideration how he acted with Ishida and Isshin. So know that it didn't seem so awkward they felt it easier to talk.

"Ichigo we… we never meant to hurt you we really didn't."

Ichigo glanced at Rukia that had just spoken up, she was as small as ever and still seemed to look like a high school student, and the only difference he could see was that she had cut her hair.

"It has been a long time since I last saw you, right Rukia."

Flinching at the slight sarcastic tone Ichigo had used she couldn't help but feel sorry for her former orange haired friend, he had been really hurt by all of this and she never though getting into a gigai and visiting him in fear that it would make it worse.

"We have always been watching you… since that day, we had someone protect you all the time. You were never alone until you disappeared all of sudden."

Seeing as Ichigo had stayed silent this time somebody else spoke up.

"We were wrong to think what was best for you and we should have thought of getting into a gigai and visiting you but…"

"We all decided on something without asking you first."

Feeling pissed off at the continuous banter of going to the same point as to why they did it he stood up and slammed his hands on the table. He kept looking down with black hair covering his eyes.

"You never thought to ask me first! You threw me aside once I was useless, and then still think you can decide for me?!"

"We didn't do that, we seriously never thought you were useless Kurosaki-san. Sure we made a mistake by thinking what was better for you, but that doesn't mean we ever did that because we thought you were useful or not."

Urahara thought it right to point out what he knew everyone wanted to prove, they never did what they did because he lost his powers and thought he was useless.

Ichigo kept silent and didn't say anything, that was the first time he had had an outburst in years and just showing his emotions really did make him feel better.

"We really are sorry Ichigo, we really are, we shouldn't have pushed you aside. We should have realized how you were feeling without you needing to tell us.

Ichigo sighed and slumped back on the chair at the head of the table, he noticed a small crack on the glass table that was made by the force he used, he had to restrain the small tingling feeling of happiness he felt at hearing how sincere and honest everyone was, even Tatsuki, Keigo and Mizuiro that shouldn't have anything to do with that world held looks that showed how sorry they were.

Ichigo sighed again and felt a small tug upwards that his lips made against his will.

"I'm going to need to buy a new table."

Everyone had confused looks, why would he need a new table? Ishida that was at Ichigo's right noticed the small 1 inch crack it held and raised an eyebrow at the tiny thing that made Ichigo want to buy a new table.

"You want to buy a new table because of such a small crack?"

Ichigo looked up at everyone but this time he held no pain, he knew it would take a while to be able to talk to everyone as well as before, and honestly he didn't know if he even wanted to, but for now he would accept their apology on the inside and wait to see what this month in Karakura Town brought.

"Yeah, I doesn't look as nice as before, if I'm trapped inside all the time it might as well be a comfortable and nice area."

They could see that the atmosphere had changed, he didn't seem as pained as before, maybe the chance they got was the best thing that could have happened.

"I've been curious Ichigo."

Mizuiro spoke up and brought everyone's attention, he didn't have his cellphone out like when he was in high school, he was pretty serious. Ichigo gestured him to continue with his curiosity and waited for his question.

"Why do you trap yourself in your house, you mentioned it before when you said it's why you're good at cooking. Don't you go to work or something?"

"Ah… well I work from home."

This intrigued everyone as they all wanted to know what the long lost person was up to these last few years, was he well like he said he was.

"And what do you work in son, it's not like there are much jobs you can do from your home."

"I'm a writer."

Everyone was surprised, too much to say the least. The brash, stubborn teenager they knew was someone they would have never imagined as a writer.

"A writer Ichigo?"

"Yeah, what's wrong with that pineapple?"

Hearing his old nickname coming from Ichigo Renji smirked seeing it wasn't awkward anymore and that even though he had not said verbally he accepted their apology, he seemed much better. But what pissed him off was not the use of his nickname.

"Damn I can't call you carrot top anymore."

Feeling a smile grace his lips Ichigo completely forgot the tough relationship they had had because he had left and felt at ease with everyone.

"To bad for you."

"What have you written oni-chan?"

Ichigo looked to his left to see Yuzu's curious eyes, she had grown up so much, as well as Karin and were now grown women. He felt a slight blush come his way when he remembered all the books he's written, so instead of answering he got up went to his studio and got all the books he ever wrote. When he came back everyone was surprised when Ichigo returned with a stack of books that didn't let you see his face, almost tripping and dropping everything he was helped on the last minute by Chad that had helped him with half the books. He placed down the books in front of everyone to see.

Everyone was quietly eyeing the books, there were thick ones and thin ones, and there were at least 28 books in total.

"What's with all these books Ichigo, we asked for your work not all your library."

Scowling at hearing Keigo with his annoying thoughts that it was all his library, he had to suppress the urge to grab the man by the collar and drag him over to his library over at his studio so he could see that what he brought wasn't even 1/100 part of it.

"This is my work you idiot, my library is much bigger."

Everyone started to process the bunch of books in front of them, Inoue was the first one to grab one and look at the title and author.

"Oh my god! This is one of my favorite books!"

They were startled when Inoue beamed with happiness at seeing the author and couldn't help but look at the books as well. They were all surprised to find that they knew the author as his work was pretty famous and was even translated in different languages to distribute all around the world.

"You're kidding me, right?"

Ichigo raised an eyebrow at Rukia's incredulous reaction.

"Did you know that this author and some of the books are common knowledge even soul society, heck did you know you're one of nii-sama's favorite human authors."

Blushing at the thought that even in soul society he was famous he couldn't help but look down in embarrassment.

"Now you see what I mean, there is not a time I go out of my house back in Tokyo where someone recognizes me."

Still not quite believing it, but not really having a choice in that matter Inoue, Yuzu, Rukia and Mizuiro couldn't resist the urge to ask for an autograph. When he was about to bring a copy of his books for them to sign even though it wasn't something he felt happy about, he heard a loud and unmistakable knock on the door followed by a yell.

"Ichigo! I know you're I there! You better open this god damn door and not be dying on the floor again!"

Shuddering slightly at the sound of his angry editor he didn't feel happy about having to open the door. But a pissed off Mizuki was worse if ignored. Ichigo's friends and family were surprised by the yell coming from the door and the horrified expression Ichigo held, but before anyone could think or Ichigo open the door, it came flying down and an angry women came rushing in.

"I can't believe what you do! All these years going to your house more times than I should be needed to go just to keep an eye ono you and make sure you don't die before you finish a book and the first thing you do where I can't see you is collapse?!"

"Calm down Mizuki, everyone can get sick you know."

"Sick my ass, I'm sick and tired of your behavior, never going out, shutting yourself in your house not socializing what so ever, only going to conferences and other invitations when obligated. How you never show emotions with your stupid poker face! And the worst of all is you get even more fan girls falling for you! I-"

"Mizuki!"

Calming down and finally seeing the surprised expressions and everyone on the room, seeing that he really wasn't alone like always made her feel slightly embarrassed.

"I'm not alone unless you haven't noticed."

"… oh… sorry about that. I'm-"

"MY FOURTH DAUGHTER?!"

"Ha?!"

Mizuki raised an eyebrow at Isshin's sudden outburst and what the crazy man was talking about and Ichigo just couldn't resist and face palmed at his dad's stupidity.

"SHE'S. MY. EDITOR. OYAJI."

Finally understanding who the black haired man was she couldn't not laugh at seeing the giant difference in personality and what he had actually implied.

"He's your dad! Are you serious?! He's nothing like you! Ha ha ha ha, and you. Fourth daughter? Besides the fact that his fans would kill any women that decides to approach him I'm actually married."

Ichigo had a tick mark, he was getting tired of god damn Mizuki's tease's about his fans, and for some reason he couldn't keep his uncaring face on.

"Whatever."

"Well seeing as you're pretty alive and you actually have comony, that's a new one. I'll go back to Tokyo, I have a lot of work to do. Bye bye Ichi-chan."

She left in a hurry not even waiting to hear an excuse. But before she was out of earshot Ichigo went to the door and yelled at her.

"Mizuki my door!"

"You're the one with the money!"

Scowling at his annoying editor he went back to the living room to find everyone gapping at the stupid scene that happened before them and only one was able to speak up. Karin.

"So Ichi-chan huh?"

"Shut up."

#2#


	3. The unquestionable bond

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach in anyway, if I did I would have made Ichi-chan get back his powers differently.

"Normal Talking"

'Thoughts'

*Flashback*

"**Hollowfied Tensa Zangetsu"**

**Comment on the above: Ichigo will have his shinigami powers but exactly like when he fought in the dangai, there is no Hollow and Zanpaktou, they are merged.**

Ichigo couldn't help but sigh at the thought of his door on the floor. He had to get this fixed… and he didn't know who the hell could do the job, he hadn't been in Karakua town in 10 years. And worst of all the snickering coming from some of his friends of the scene with his editor and his nickname of _Ichi-chan_, his day just couldn't get worse.

"Hey Ichigo, are you going to give us your autograph or not? I want one for Byakuya-nisama."

Ichigo flinched at the thought of having to autograph, he hated to do that, there was a reason why he would never assisted to those stupid signings things the fans wanted him to go. Sighing in defeat he motioned the group of people to follow him into the house and to his library. When his guests entered the studio he heard various gasps of surprise and others to surprised to make a noise.

The library was huge, no, that was an understatement, it was enormous, this could be the only reason why the house looked way bigger than most houses around the neighborhood.

"Wow… this. Is. Big."

Ichigo only rolled his eyes at Renji's statement, of course it would be big, if the 28 books he took out that he had said were his work and were only about 1/100 of the whole library, imagine how big the library was in comparison. After all the only reason why he didn't complain of the unnecessary money waist of a house that big was thanks to the library, he just couldn't live without books.

"I have various copies of the books I've written, those that want an autograph grab one and I'll sign it."

Seeing the happy expressions of several of his guests he noticed how he should be specific or he might end up signing 30 copies and he just didn't want that, so with the most annoyance he could muster; which wasn't much considering how hard it was for him to show his emotions regularly, he glanced back at his excited _fans._

"I'll only sign one each so don't start grabbing 28 books per person."

"Aw~ Come on Kurosaki-san I wanted to take one to Tessai-san."

Ichigo was getting overwhelmed by the amount of banter that was occurring lately, he was having enough excitement for one day and honestly he wasn't back at 100% after yesterday's downfall. Sure, he was taking medication, he went to the pharmacy yesterday after running from the clinic, but can't say that was enough considering how grave he was, so with all the ruckus he couldn't help but notice how his headache was constantly increasing. He groaned at the thought of having to go see a doctor since he really didn't want to go back to the clinic. Pushing the thought aside he looked at Kisuke in the eyes, making him involuntarily swallow harder than expected at seeing Ichigo's emotionless and dead eyes.'

"No. I recommend you just pick one before I change my mind, if Tessai-san wants one he can come back himself."

The light atmosphere that was created earlier was quickly revoked when they noticed Ichigo's change in demeanor, even if he didn't show it he was pretty annoyed that much was noticeable even if he didn't show emotion. He quickly turned back to the stack of books and started to pick some up and order them around so it would be easier for those that wanted, to pick one out and make him sign it. It was the least he could do to get it over with as fast as he could.

"Ne Ichi-ni…"

Ichigo glanced back at Karin that was side by side with her twin Yuzu in a nervous yet determined stare at his back that, now that he had turned around, were staring at him directly. He raised an eyebrow but otherwise remained emotionless until he saw how Yuzu had those puppy eyes she would sometimes use when she really really wanted something, and seeing them made his eyes soften even if just a little.

"Would you mind if I came every now and then to cook you a meal?"

Ichigo noticed the slight fear in her eyes, Karin was being the strong one and calling out to him so Yuzu could muster up the courage to tell him directly that much was evident. He knew that Yuzu noticed how he can cook for himself so if it was for a homemade meal well he practically had that covered so it was obviously because she wanted to spend more time with him or something like that.

"I… wouldn't mind…"

Saying nothing more he went back to work in organizing the books, completely missing the happy expression Yuzu held at his monotone response.

Once everyone had a copy of his books and had it autographed (Even Renji had grabbed one saying it was for his captain since he only permitted one per person) they all left him saying they were sorry once again and they were more than happy to see him and they hopped it wasn't the last. Though Tatsuki and Rukia had practically threatened him even if it didn't really get reaction out of him. Chad had said he worked at a repairs company and would send someone to fix his door later that day and that it would be on the house, not that Ichigo would mind paying but he was glad that was one problem less. Isshin like always had fussed about how Ichigo had left him with a giant pay for yesterday's incident making everyone find out about his collapse and making everyone in their own unique way, worry for him. Isshin in response had actually bought medicine especially for Ichigo and his cold saying he wouldn't get better on auto medication. And even after buying the medicine Isshin had thought it was a good idea to say he would be seeing him in the clinic for a checkup in two days in one of his serious tones that left no room for discussion.

When everyone had left through his nonexistent door he felt a sudden burden being relieved from his heart, he knew it was still painful to be all friendly with them, he knew it hurt him more than it helped him but since when did he care more for his wellbeing then those close to him. He also knew that he was hurting them but being so cold and leaving the unanswered apologies float by like if they were never even heard; he didn't accept them nor deny them and he knew that was killing them in the inside but he just couldn't find enough good inside himself to just accept the apology, it was too soon. The best he could do so as to not hurt them more than what he was hurting them was let them in when they came even if he kept them at arm length's distance.

He was startled and brought back from his thoughts when he felt a warm hand at his shoulder, he flinched at the physical contact but quickly relaxed when he noticed who it was, so instead of pulling back or pushing the hand away he just stood there, not acknowledging but not denying the simple gesture.

"You surprised me."

"**It was your own fault for being so distracted…"**

The silence between the two was not tense and heavy like the one created by him and his guests earlier. It was a comfortable silence that held a hidden message behind the simple moment.

'**I'll always protect you.'**

'I know… after all, what I want to protect…'

'**Is not the same as what I want to protect.'**

The silence was very welcome and Ichigo couldn't help but tug slightly upwards his lips at the thought of the spirit that had been with him from the very beginning, never abandoning him no matter what, even if he was a useless bum that always held him back, he never once left his side, always pushing him hard in the form of his hollow to make him stronger, always offering words full of wisdom when they were very much needed so he felt that if someone would ever be honest with him for the better it would be Zangetsu, after all, he had tested that theory 3 years ago with the longest chat he had ever had with the teen ever.

*Flashback*

_Ichigo was in one of his horrible writers blocks and didn't feel like doing anything except sleep, that's what he always did when he entered a slump even though his editor said it was better to go out and get the fresh breeze to clear your thoughts, it just didn't work the same for Ichigo and he knew it very well. But, the thing is that when he was in his blocks he would always end up thinking of the past and that didn't help one bit to clear his mind, it only made it worse._

"_Fuck…"_

"_**How about you come in your inner world? Maybe a change of environment will help you forget about all that and help you think clearly."**_

_He pondered over that, he had nothing to do sure, but he had yet to go into that place since he lost his powers, he was slightly scared it would still be flooded and be the small town of Karakura and that might bring back bad memories. Sighing and realizing he really had nothing to do and it might not be that bad he closed his eyes and evened out his breaths to enter his inner world. He took more time then what he thought he might take but in the end it was pretty much successful._

_When he opened his eyes he was surprised to find the sideways skyscrapers and the lack of water. He felt happy to see it was back to normal but was so concentrated on the scenery he was startled when he felt a hand at his shoulder._

"_Zangetsu? Don't scare me like that."_

_The white haired teen scowled at his owner, he was really getting tired of having to repeat himself so many times._

"_**My name is Tensa Zangetsu not Zangetsu."**_

"_Well it's too long so I'll either call you Tensa or Zangetsu so get used to it."_

_Giving up on trying to make Ichigo call him by his complete name he let go of Ichigo's shoulder and looked him in the eye before speaking up._

"_**Have you noticed your appearance?"**_

_Finally realizing he hadn't he looked around until he found a clearer building that he could use as a mirror and when he saw his reflection he was slightly startled by what he saw ._

"_I look like I'm in my early Twenties!"_

_What he had said was right, he looked to be in his early twenties and had slightly long orange hair just like he had in his physical body, the best example of the length would be his post dangai form, because that was precisely how he appeared. A sleeve of his bankai coat was missing being replaced by the long black chain wrapped around his arm. The chain was connected to the hilt of his pitch black zanpaktou that was sheathed nicely at his hip in an equally as black scabbard_

"_**You look younger because your shinigami powers returned when you were in your early twenties, remember souls don't age the same as humans so it's normal for your soul to not have even aged a day from back then. And also you can't hide from your soul your real hair color so don't bother with the black dye."**_

_Seeing as it was a reasonable explanation he shrugged it off thinking how it was for the better, at least in soul he would be young for a long time. But what had him slightly intrigued was the fact that if he were in inch shorter his zanpaktou would be touching the floor since it was at his hip, the funny part was that even though he was chained up to the sword he had the liberty of stretching all he wanted, it seemed the chain could be manipulated at his will._

"_Well this is quite interesting. Might actually be useful in battle."_

"_**Want to give it a try?"**_

_Ichigo looked back in shock at the fact that the teen was asking him for a spar, he never had a spar with Zangetsu just for the fun of it, heck, most of the time it was to kill him._

"_You know I might as well be useless in my current state, after all it's been like 9 years since I last wielded a sword."_

"_**Than now is a good time to start, don't you think?"**_

_Shrugging and thinking it might be a good idea he went ahead and unsheathed his zanpaktou, ready for an attack and a good beating from the other, after all, he doubted a zanpaktou spirit could get rusty like him._

_After what felt like forever their spar ended, and just like he thought, he had his ass handed to him. He was currently lying on his back on one of the millions of skyscrapers panting hard and out of breath. He was shocked when he felt someone grabbed his head and placed it on his lap, and looking up he saw it was Tensa Zangetsu with an indifferent look on his face._

"_What's with this sudden change of heart, being so kind and all."_

"_**Shut up or I'll drop it hard on the ground."**_

_Sighing and knowing he would do it he decided not to tease the zanpaktou and promote him to fulfill his threat. He was really comfortable when all of a sudden he felt a lone drop fall on his cheek. Ichigo glanced up to see that the lone drop had come from his zanpaktou and that made him remember the only time he had actually seen him cry, when he stabbed him and gave him the answer to the final getsuga tenshou. _

"_We really haven't talked about that day, huh?"_

_The teen looked away at seeing that he had been seen and slightly shook his head. Ichigo sighed and brought a hand to the teen's cheek to make him look back at him. He seemed so lost and at the same time so hurt._

"_You know I wouldn't have done it if there were another way… but… even if I never regretted it I did miss this… sparing, the weight of your blade on my person, the sight of this world, heck I even missed the annoying voice of your god damn inner hollow half."_

_This made Tensa scowl and look down at his wielder with a gaze that would kill if it weren't because it was just not possible._

"_But… I knew you would never leave me… after all… you've been protecting me all this time, right?"_

_This made the blades breathe hitch in his throat, Ichigo was actually smiling, a small but genuine smile that held so much emotion that he had ever seen on Ichigo over the last years. It made him feel so much emotions. Happiness, longing, completeness, relief but at the same time pain, pain since he knew he wasn't being completely honest with Ichigo. Sure, he had never lied to Ichigo, but he had never said the truth either, Tensa knew after all, that that wasn't good anyways._

'_**A truth that has not been said is not less lie than a real lie.'**_

_Tensa was pondering. Would Ichigo hate him if he said the truth, would he push him aside and be mad at him because he was no better than his so called friends as he had also hidden the truth from Ichigo. He was brought back from his thoughts when Ichigo brushed a gentle finger under his eyes to clean the unfallen tears._

"_If you have something to say I'll hear you out… you know I'll always be here for you as much as you are there for me."_

_Tensa Zangetsu bit his lower lip in debate, should he tell him, should he brush it off saying it was best to leave it for later. Damn he hated being in this permeant angsty teenage form, he would have his thoughts less jumbled up and be able to form more coherent solutions. Realizing that it might be for the best he took a deep breath and looks in the eye at the orange haired man, fierce determination hiding the slight fear he felt._

"_**I may not be any better than all those people that abbondoned you, you know…"**_

_Ichigo raised an eyebrow at this, was Tensa implying he was hiding something? It wouldn't be a first but for the zanpaktou to seem so troubled worried him of what it might be._

"_**Remember when I told you… when I was attacking you to fight for dominance and control over the hollow powers?"**_

_He nodded at this seeing as he remembered that day as clear as ever, after all, it was one of those glorious days he had tried to kill him._

"_**Think back to that day and remember what I said when you asked where old man Zangetsu was… I said… he said, **_**I'm Zangetsu. **_**That was never a lie. I- The old man in a cloak was, is, am not your zanpaktou spirit… I… he is your Quincy part of your soul." **_

_Ichigo could only stare wide eyed. So, old man Zangetsu was never old man Zangetsu… so the hollow was Zangetsu all this time? That was something he wouldn't have given a shit for if it weren't because of the second fact… the identity of old man Zangetsu. After all, Quincy just didn't fit in the mix no matter what he thought, I mean, he wasn't a Quincy!_

"_But I'm not a-"_

"_**Maybe you're not, but your mother was…"**_

_This left Ichigo silent, he could see why Tensa had hesitated so much to tell him, it was a huge fact that was silently driving him insane, he really didn't know what to think. I part of him, the part that was still a rash teenager wanted to jump up from his comfy position and yell at the other. But, his more dominant part, the mature one that he used more as he was getting older made him take a deep breath and release it various times to relax, closing his eyes and sorting his thoughts._

'_The current Tensa Zangetsu was originally formed by Old man Zangetsu and my Inner hollow in Bankai form. But, if you take into consideration that my Inner hollow is my Zanpaktou spirit with, for some reason, hollow in there, that just meant that the old man was his Quincy powers, making him a compete mush of every race… but if the old man was able to merge with my zanpaktou that meant that he was also a part of my power even if he wasn't who I thought he was in the beginning.'_

_Finally getting to a conclusion, Ichigo opened his eyes to see the worried expression on the teen's face, he gave a small crooked smile to reassure the other before he spoke up._

"_I really would have liked to have known more about myself you know… but if you didn't tell me it must have been for a reason just like how you would almost kill me a lot of times… don't worry I'm not mad at you, maybe a little shocked but not mad."_

_Seeing as the other wasn't actually mad Tensa couldn't help but let a sigh grace his lips in relief, he was more than happy to see how Ichigo had taken it, how mature he had acted and how much he had changed and at the same time hadn't, always having a forgiving heart. So one Tensa Zangetsu realized how much better saying the truth made him feel he couldn't help but also return a sloppy smile._

"_**Thank you…"**_

*Flashback End*

Feeling the lack of warmth from his companion he glanced back only to realize he had returned to his inner world, he must have dozed off since it was way later than what he thought it should be. He hoped Chad would send someone to repair his door quickly, he didn't want to sleep at night like this after all.

"**Ichigo."**

'What? Can you not see I'm busy right now?"

"**Che, fine if you don't want some advice."**

This brought the black haired man's attention as Tensa rarely made recommendations and just let Ichigo live his life how he wanted to unless it was a life or death situation. Forgetting that he had to mentally respond since someone could just walk into his house and hear him talking alone he could help but respond out loud in slight surprise.

"What?"

"**Why don't you go and ask your dad about my other half if you're so curious about your mom?"**

Ichigo had to suppress the urge to roll his eyes, it seemed he had forgotten the splendid relationship he had with everyone and also the fact that he told his dad he would wait until he was ready so he really couldn't just go up to him and demand answers, even less when he thought how his dad would jump in joy if Ichigo would ever go and ask for a talk and that would just make everything awful. Even the sheer thought of it made chills run down his spine, he did not want to see that.

"I think I can wait a little bit longer."

To be continued…

Okay well this is the third chapter, sorry it took so long I kind concentrate more on my major story The ending that never came, it has more views no offense those that enjoy this one as well and would like a faster update but it's a little more difficult for me to write this one than the other. So, I hope you like the story and thank you for reading.

And guess what!?

IT'S ALMOST ICHI-CHAN'S BIRTHDAY! JULY 15!

٩(●̮̃•)۶


	4. Never to late

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach in anyway, if I did I would have made Ichi-chan get back his powers differently.

"Normal Talking"

'Thoughts'

*Flashback*

"**Hollowfied Tensa Zangetsu"**

**Comment on the above: Ichigo will have his shinigami powers but exactly like when he fought in the dangai, there is no Hollow and Zanpaktou, they are merged.**

#4#

Sometimes concentrating on his thoughts without dwelling on the past was too hard for Ichigo to handle. It was too painful sometimes he forgot he had to breathe or lose track of time and it happened more than once over the last 10 years so he couldn't say being in this state was a rare occurrence.

He liked the fact that he was able to face his friends, family, allies, nakama, the way he did, because Ichigo knew that if he hadn't mustered up the courage to do so he would be way worse in this moment.

Sure, he had been able to talk to them in a somewhat normal way, but that hadn't changed the fact that he still felt uncomfortable around them and more so when he was not mentally prepared for the situation. So right now, thinking he might see them around over the month made it slightly terrifying and at the same time something to look forward to. He just hoped that when it would happen he wouldn't end up running away like he did the first time he had been recognized.

So here he was now, trying to concentrate on a new idea for his new book to no avail. He hadn't gone out in the last two days and he hadn't had unexpected visitors so he would count it as a plus; Yuzu had called a few times to remind him that she would come over some day to make him a delicious meal even if he didn't know how she got his number. But even with no interruptions, no more encounters he just couldn't concentrate, he had gone into his inner world more times than he had been going before, he found peace in that place but now it only brought some sort of emptiness, like if something was missing but he couldn't put his finger on it, so instead of going back in there he was now lying on his couch with his arms crossed behind his head, feet slightly lifted on the armchair and staring sternly at the ceiling with a bunch of stupid (to him) thoughts.

It was so quiet right now he felt he could drown in the silence and that was weird, he had always enjoyed the silence so it was quite strange that suddenly the silence was more of a curse than it was a gift. Ichigo glanced to the side to see the digital clock on the long counter table on the hallway that was directly in front of the living room. It read 8:45 pm and in the bottom left was the date, he could barely make out the numbers since he didn't have his glasses on and they were way smaller in comparison from the time but there was no doubt about it, it read June 15. _That _date was getting closer and closer and for the first time in 10 years he would be in Karakura for that day so he really didn't know what to do.

Should he visit her? No, that was not something he should think of, he just _had _to visit her. But, what would he say, it has been so long he actually forgot what he used to talk to her about. Would she be mad about the current situation, about the fact that he dyed the orange hair his mom had always adored, would she even think to forgive him for all the pain he had unwittingly created? How he lost the will to be a protector a long time ago and had just felt emptiness in his heart, reflection of why it was so hard to show his emotions so openly now in day. He just didn't know what to think, but there was one thing for sure…he would find out when the time would come… he just hoped he could find an answer and that it wouldn't break him further.

He sighed and turned to the side to curl up into the backrest of the couch, it was warm, it felt so comfortable but even as he started drifting off to sleep he couldn't help but feel an uneasiness in the pit of his stomach, he just knew that nothing went right when he felt this way.

'It's meaningless to just live… but when the time comes, will I be able to fight back my own locked up emotions to break free?'

Before the darkness graced him and he went into a deep slumber he could have sworn he saw a glimpse of the dream he would have but not remember the next day. What shone throughout his thoughts was the bright crescent moon of Hueco Mundo on top of the dome of Las Noches, and imposing bat like figure with menacing green eyes whisper into the eternal white sands.

"_Didn't you say you had to win…? Kurosaki Ichigo…"_

#4#

The next day Ichigo could have sworn that he was hearing noises in his house that was supposed to be empty, but it felt so real to ignore he couldn't help but perk up his hearing senses to see if he wasn't mistaken. He was still on the couch at his living room so it wasn't hard to hear the clatter in the kitchen that was not that far away. He groaned and turned to lie flat in his back, he ached in some places but of course that was just the consequences if sleeping on the couch even though he had such a comfortable bed. He stretched his legs and arms before giving a giant yawn and opening his eyes only to close them again thanks to the harsh light that made his eyes sting slightly. He blinked various times before finally being able to keep amber eyes open. He sat up and looked around the living room only to notice a bag on the low coffee table, he was slightly confused but it was obviously a women's handbag and he was certain he hadn't invited some random girl over or even given anyone the key… except of course the obnoxious cleaning lady but she didn't come today. He was about to stand up to get to the kitchen and see who it was but was startled when a slightly high pitched voice with a sweet but scolding tone to it was heard to his right.

"Ah! You're finally up, Oni-chan. You know that's bad for your health, sleeping on the couch all night. Breakfast is ready so you might as well go wash your face before coming to the dining table."

Ichigo could only stare at the place where his sister once stood before she went storming back into the kitchen with spoon in hand, sure, he knew she would come sooner or later but this was sorta sudden so when she came out from the kitchen he was caught by surprise. At least he didn't leave running for shelter.

"**No, you just froze, that for your information is as bad as running."**

Ichigo only sent a curse his zanpaktou's way before he stood up with a groan, stretching once more to make all his bones pop back in place. With another big yawn he strode to the bathroom in his room to wash up a little and change his clothing, after all, being in yesterday's clothing was not something Ichigo wanted to do. So once he was fully clothed he went to the kitchen to find Yuzu placing the last dishes on the glass table.

He sat down at his seat without a word to his sister with is usual blank expression, once Yuzu also sat down next to him he grabbed the pair of chopsticks before muttering a barely audible _Itadakimasu _when the first bite was taken Ichigo couldn't help but sigh with the chopsticks still in his mouth as the sweet flavor melted in his tongue.

"Even with all the lessons I took I can't even hope to compare to your cooking."

Ichigo didn't take a glance at the youngest of the Kurosaki children but if he had he would have seen the slight blush that crept up her cheeks and the smile that formed at her lips at seeing her brother at least somewhat content even though he didn't show it.

"The recipes were Oka-san's"

Yuzu still kept her smile as Ichigo stopped with his food mid-way to his mouth, she was looking down at her food with a distant but happy expression, never once showing signs that she would cry or even sob like she did as a kid.

"I can teach you if you want, or pass the recipes, I think she would like that."

Not really showing emotion but with an obvious turmoil on the inside he glanced down to look at Yuzu that had begun to eat yet again.

"You remember her by cooking, don't you…? Do you think I can learn to cook food like yours and Oka-san's that are so full of love…? Love that I might not be able to show any longer even if I tried…?"

Yuzu could only look up to meet Ichigo's eyes with such a warm expression that it made Ichigo make a double take, because, the expression Yuzu held was one that Masaki would make. One that Ichigo knew too well.

She, on the other hand seemed to ignore Ichigo's question and flowed off onto something else that made Ichigo raise an eyebrow and a confused glance her way.

"Did you know? There was a time when I wouldn't stop crying when you left… not even Karin could make me change my mind of keeping myself locked up in my room… as the days flew by I noticed something, something that I should have noticed long ago."

Ichigo couldn't stop the sheer shock from creeping up his face, after all, she had such a fierce determination in a way it scared him to think how much Yuzu had changed over the last 10 years.

"I was always the smallest and I would always think that my job was to sit down and listen to Karin and you when you came back with problems, but, I noticed something… I had the courage to hear all your problems but not because I was the youngest, the frailest I was obligated to not stand up and speak… I wanted to blame my vulnerability on someone else but it was always my fault, because if I wanted change than I needed to change. So… I'm not letting my emotions hold me down, I'm not letting what others think or what I think stop me, I won't ever let that happen again. So, don't say things like that Oni-chan… what happened to the determined brother I once had?"

He couldn't help but stare wide eyed at his sister. When had she grown up so much? He had missed her most difficult timed like a coward and had turned tail just because he had his own problems and now here she was giving him advice like if he was the youngest.

"You're not alone no matter what you may think. Karin, Otou-san, Orihime-san, Uryuu-kun, Sado-san, Tatsuki, Asano-san, Kojima-kun, Rukia, Renji-kun, Urahara-san, Yoruichi-san and many others are here for you so never forget that."

Yuzu only smiled at seeing her brother's dumbstruck expression, she really hoped the message got through to him and he noticed how it wasn't too late to hold onto himself once more and fight through.

She started to stand up and grab her empty plates leaving Ichigo to look down at his own food before deciding to keep on eating but stay silent with a thoughtful expression on his face.

"I have to go work but I hope I'll see you soon. Otou-san was mad because you didn't come to your appointment yesterday so he said that if you didn't go today he would drag you over himself."

Ichigo could only nod at his sister's remark. In all sincerity he had really forgotten all about Isshin's appointment thanks to his unexpected collapse but still he wouldn't go willingly even if it was the last thing he did but this was a must so he wouldn't complain.

He heard a rustle noise of what he noticed was Yuzu placing the dishes in the cupboard before she went to grab her bag and looked at Ichigo from the hallway that led to the door that had thankfully been repaired thanks to Chad.

"I hope you will come with us tomorrow to visit Oka-san. Usual hour, usual place… Bye bye, Oni-chan."

"A-ah…"

Ichigo heard the noticeable click of the door being shut before he went back to eat his breakfast, it really was delicious, he had missed this feeling, it did taste different when being made by someone that cared for you, someone that had that certain feeling behind everything they did.

'So very different from me.'

"**But not impossible… you used to do it before even if you want to deny it… it's not the same as cooking but every swing you took was for them and it held unimaginable power because of it. Remember well Ichigo, that feeling of wanting to protect what was dear to you. What drove you to obtain the power you have."**

He could only stay silent as Tensa's words sank in, deep within his soul.

#4#

Isshin was a very busy man even if everyone around him doubted it, after all what would a goof ball like him have to do that would make him serious enough to deal with. So now that the neighbors caught sight of a very serious and worried black haired doctor they couldn't help but feel a catastrophe was coming their way since it was a very rare occurrence.

"Where the hell is he?!"

Those that were close enough to the clinic doors were able to make out the distressed yell coming from inside, and it made them jump at not only seeing the man that wasn't serious enough to save is life also sound as worried as he seemed to be.

The people that were walking by or had to be out their own houses could only hope to pray that whoever was the next person to enter the small clinic be prepared to face a storm. And as they saw a black haired man with slightly spiky hair they could only feel sorry for the man.

As one of the ladies that were sweeping outside their homes was going to warn the man, the doctor in thought came flying out the door to tackle down the poor man with a war cry that they could barely make out.

"ICHIIIGOOO, MY DEAR SON! WHERE WERE YOU? DADDY WAS SOOOO WORRIED ABOUT YOU!"

Those that were still passing by could only gap at the scene before them. The black haired man stood still with an unreadable expression as the middle aged doctor gave him a hug that the man only seemed to ignore. But, as the words finally kicked in they were able to process who the newly arrived man that didn't seemed one bit surprised by the doctor's antics was.

Ichigo, not being able to support his dad's stupid wailing, he kicked him in the gut forcing him to roll backwards only to be stopped by a wall with a grunt.

"Shut up, you're causing a scene. Act like a normal person before I decide to leave again, I can go find another doctor you know."

"You wouldn't dare replace me!"

The former orange head only crossed his arms over his chest with a face that read _try me _staring at the sobbing form of his father that seemed as innocent as a child at the moment, but with a sigh stood up and reluctantly went into the clinic followed by an annoyed black haired man behind.

As Isshin entered doctor mode, Ichigo could only sigh in relief and support the tests his dad would run on him just to make sure he finally recovered seeing as he was apparently worried, not that Ichigo bought that act, but he was pleased to say the least when his father acted as a responsible adult and went through the tests in a normal way until he deemed them enough.

"Well apparently you're healthy enough on my page. Just don't go finding yourself in harms ways since your immune system is still not at max. Capability."

"Okay, I can do that."

Seeing as it wasn't much to ask for he nodded in understanding before standing from his seated position and striding to the door only to be stopped by a serious Isshin. Ichigo could only groan, seeing as his dad had chosen that moment to talk to him about something that might take his time, time he could use in sorting out his thoughts. He really didn't need more to think about now.

"Ichigo… are you going to come with us tomorrow?"

Ichigo was quite taken aback his dad wasn't asking him anything major, it was in a way weird to see Isshin serious for something as simple as that.

"I will go if that's what you're asking… I'm still not sure but… I might meet you guys up there…"

Not taking a second to spare Ichigo left through the door towards his own home, he still didn't know if it was a good idea to go with his family or not, but one thing was for sure… he would try and fix things with his mother tomorrow, he just hoped Yuzu was right and it wasn't too late yet.

'**It's never too late. Don't focus on what was taken away. Find something to replace it, and acknowledge the blessing you have… Ichigo I want you to learn this more than anything else.'**

#4#

Happy birthday to Ichigo today! Yay!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it, in case you're wondering the part of his dream is in reference to Ichigo's fight with Ulquiorra on top of Las Noches when Ulqui was all like this:

"_You're a fool, Kuroskai Ichigo. You should fear my power yet you still fight like you think you can win. I don't understand you… if that's because of what you call a heart, then it is the heart that causes you human's pain. It is because if your heart that you will die."_

"_I don't fight… because I think I can win. I fight because I have to win!"_

Okay so that's the part I based the glimpse of the dream about. Next time we have the visit to Kurosaki Masaki's grave and for those that felt disappointed in the Ichigo x Rukia first encounter let me tell you that you might be surprised for the next chapter.

Sorry of its short but I thought it was for the best, have a good day and Thank you for your Support as always!

To be continued…


	5. Determination

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach in anyway, if I did I would have made Ichigo pair with someone a long time ago (Not specifying since I have a lot of favorite pairs).

"Normal Talking"

'Thoughts'

*Flashback*

"**Hollowfied Tensa Zangetsu"**

**Comment on the above: Ichigo will have his shinigami powers but exactly like when he fought in the dangai, there is no Hollow and Zanpaktou, they are merged.**

#5#

Ichigo rolled over with a groan as the deafening sound of the alarm clock woke him up from his not so peaceful sleep, he turned over to stop the clock and sat up with slightly hazy eyes from being asleep mere seconds ago. Trying to blink away the sleep induced state he was in he stretched and gave out a big yawn getting up in the process. Once standing he went directly to the bathroom with a bored expression, he saw himself in the mirror and couldn't help but slump his shoulders at the sight.

"You've got to be kidding me."

Talking to seemingly no one, Ichigo went to pull at a black lock to see that his natural orange was starting to grow out even if it was just a little. He went looking from cabinet to drawer to find a black bottle that read black hair dye, as he found it he couldn't help but stare at it rather intently almost like if hesitating in a way.

'Today's the day… I can already hear Oka-san disapproving of this.'

He was so lost in thought he couldn't help but feel startled when the doorbell rang so he quickly put the bottle down and strode to the entrance to open the door, not really caring he was just in gray sweat pants. Once he opened the door he was surprised by the mails person that had a medium sized package in her hands. He stared at the lady with his normal blank expression that made her squirm in discomfort but even so blush of the sight before her.

"I-I have this package b-by the name of Mugetsu."

Ichigo only nodded and held out his hands to retrieve the package and sign the papers that were needed for the mails lady, he gave a small nod before muttering a brief thank you that was barely heard. Not even caring he closed the door and took his mail to the living room to open it up and check it out.

He knew very well what it was, after all only his editorial office knew to relate him with the name Mugetsu, it was his author name and obviously this kind of information was not open for public. He proceeded to open the box and take out one of the many copies of the book.

It was his new book and he always received copies from his work before it went on sale so that if there was anything he disapproved of it could be fixed, mainly the cover since that's the only thing he doesn't see until now. Ichigo nodded in approval at the cover before placing it back down on the table, making a mental note to give Mizuki the okay on his part.

He thought of just leaving the box in the middle of the living room but thought best to not do so since he didn't really enjoy having a mess in his house. He quickly picked up the box once more and headed to his office, leaving it next to all the others he had.

He let out a small sigh as he looked rather depressed at the new box which was open so he could look perfectly at the cover of the many copies they had sent him. Before he knew it he was grabbing a copy once more and held it in his hands, running a thumb in a soothing motion over the hard cover. The book wasn't anything spectacular, he knew he had written even better works before but for some reason he couldn't help but sympathize with this precise book. He stared at the cover and traced with the same thumb the green vines that snacked around a pitch black sword, stabbed pretty deeply in white infinite sands with the crescent moon hanging almost mystically at the top.

He couldn't help but give a small sad smile; if this wasn't hueco mundo than he didn't know what was, the never ending sands, the creepy yet beautiful moon… Zangetsu, piercing the sands but obviously abandoned… if this wasn't a giveaway that Mugetsu the author and Kurosaki Ichigo were the same person than he didn't know what was.

He gave out a slow and shaky sigh, glancing down at the cover once more but not even thinking of placing it back in the box but rather take it with him, and he did, turning tail towards his room with book grasped tightly in his hand.

In his room he returned to his bathroom only to stare back at the black bottle he had left unattended when the bell rang. He stared at it for what felt like hours but was only a few seconds, he gave out another sigh and returned to his room, placing the book on his night stand and striding to the cardboard boxes that had yet to be unpacked. He searched through every single box until he found a small plastic bag, he opened it to find a transparent bottle with a creamy, white substance.

Picking himself up from his crouching position he returned to the bathroom only to throw the black dye in the trash and open the other bottle… a dye remover.

He usually dyes his hair every 15 to 25 days since it's not actually a permanent hair dye, that would be bothersome and he'd have to go to the hair salon really often doubting he could permanently dye it himself, so using a dye remover is very much possible. He just hopes he makes the right decision, he bets Mizuki is going to get a heart attack but he doesn't care, less people (fans) will recognize him but he doesn't care either, he knows the media is going to think he bleached it but in the end… he doesn't give a damn.

When he finishes applying he waits the estimated time until he takes a shower, seeing how the black color fades into the drain along with the soap. He gets out with a towel wrapped around his waist and he stops… he looks at himself in the mirror and for once in a long time he actually sees Kurosaki Ichigo.

Ichigo blinks to get used to seeing himself again before going into the closet, looking for something to wear for the day. He decides to wear pitch black cargo pants, a dark olive green button shirt with a black jacket on top, this being a bit longer than a normal jacket and being more of a coat. He had put on some black shoes to go with his very much black attire and looked once more in the mirror to make sure everything looked good, noticing once more that his hair was orange again.

"That's going to take some time getting used to."

"**But I very much prefer your orange hair if you ask me."**

The now, once again orange head couldn't help but roll his eyes, very much annoyed that his hollow/zanpaktou/quincy powers had decided to comment on that now and not before…. And now that he thought about it he still didn't know what to call this white haired teen, was he still considered a zanpaktou spirit or was he something else?

Thinking to himself that it really didn't matter he pushed the thought aside earning himself a confused expression that happened to appear on the teen in his inner world. But Ichigo only gives a small sigh in response until he gives the other a mental response.

'Look Tensa I really can't act interested in this. You're my power, part of my soul but if I don't even know what, who I am than how am I supposed to know exactly what you are? You're me and I'm you, what else do I need to know?'

Ichigo could feel how the teen was scowling in a very Ichigo like way, he seemed to understand his answer but still not fully content with being shut up in that way. Sure enough Ichigo was right but the orange haired man was not understanding something, he had not put a fit because Ichigo doesn't really ponder on what _he _is but on the fact that it really doesn't matter, because it's not important to know what he or Ichigo are, what matters is what he does with that power and where it will take him. But of course his thick headed wielder will not discover this until he actually sits down to think of what he is so that he can come to the realization himself. Ichigo needs to realize that he has to discover what he will do with his power since he really isn't a protector at the moment.

'**I'm not going to tell him myself.'**

While Zangetsu was pouting in his head, Ichigo had already finished his preparations, eating breakfast, checking his e-mail and other basic things for him. Now he was just getting back from his master bedroom, book grasped firmly in hand and grabbing a spare set of keys that was left in the living room, not wanting to take his car keys or his car. He gave a final glance to his new home in Karakura before stepping forward to the door, hand lingering very close to the doorknob but not even touching it just yet.

'How bad have I fallen?'

This thought crosses his mind as he thinks how much of a coward he is, being scared of facing his whole family once again, going to visit his mother's grave and still not knowing what to tell her even though nothing he could say to her would be enough to make her forgive him. He had broken his promise, he had been a coward- is a coward.

_Protector._

He scoffed at that sole word. Right now he was anything but a protector, obviously nowhere near the number one protector his mother had named him as. He had… failed her once more…

"_Ichi… go…"_

All of a sudden Ichigo turns around as he could have sworn he heard a noise just behind him, but he saw nothing, nothing was there and was never there, but as he was turning back to the door, still thinking of that night 19 years ago in which he had first failed his mother he heard a voice he thought he wouldn't hear until later that day.

"_It's not anyone's fault that Masaki died. It's just that… the woman I fell in love with… was a woman who could die protecting her son. And don't forget, you are the guy… the woman that I loved gave her life to protect."_

His eyes couldn't help but widen, he stood still looking rather intently at the door but not really looking at it at the same time as so many words of past memories passed through his mind. Some from his dad, some from others he would never expect but always words that were said to him once upon a time.

"_Live well, age well, and go bald well. And die after me. And... if you can, die smiling. If I can't, I won't be able to face Masaki. Don't hesitate to act. Sadness is a cool thing to shoulder, but you're still too young."_

Would he still be considered to young even now? Compared to his dad that was obviously a given but he still couldn't help but think, was he just hesitating thanks to his own regret, his own fear?

_"There is nothing, but fear reflected in your sword. When you dodge, you're afraid of getting killed. When you attack, you're afraid of killing someone. Even when you try to protect someone, you're afraid of letting them die. Yes, your sword speaks to me only of absurd fear. What's necessary in a fight isn't fear. Nothing can be born of that. When you dodge, "I won't let them cut me." If you protect someone, "I won't let them die." If you attack, "I will kill them." Well, can't you see the resolve to kill you in my sword?"_

Was his fear the only thing stopping him from moving on? Was the fear of being used and discarded like a rag doll making him be such a coward? Did he really have so little faith in his friends?

"_You're not in my way! If you get hurt, then I'll support you! If you can't move then I'll fight in your place! If you're in pain then I'll bear your pain! We're friends, right?!"_

Was this all just work of his own imagination trying to stop him from giving a step forward?

His own heart, his feelings were locked up a long time ago when he felt betrayed and yet here he is now, with those that betrayed him that are now only trying to recreate those bonds, fix the relationships they broke and he's just shutting himself in not even giving them a chance.

'I thought I said I would…'

Yes he certainly did but that was not enough for his heart, he had said it- thought it but he never voiced it out, he never promised himself he would try. He just thought he would.

'Where the hell have I been these last 10 years?'

His astonishment was too much, he just couldn't help but hate himself all over again, but this time it wasn't self-pity, no, he was mad because now that he has a second chance he's not even trying, he's doing the exact opposite.

"_Are you a man whose resolve is so easily broken…?! Are you afraid of defeat? Are you afraid you cannot protect your friends…?"_

His hand still hovering so close to the knob finally grasps it tight still not turning it but clenching it with much force one would think the metal would bend any minute now.

"No…"

His voice was barely above a whisper but was very much heard by the now smirking teen lying flat on one of the many blue skyscrapers.

Ichigo tightened and untightened his grip on the knob, eyes unfocused and lost in the sea of memories only to widen when such a familiar voice was last heard in his head.

_"I'm not superman, so I can't say anything big like I'll protect everyone on earth. I'm not a modest guy who will say it's enough if I can protect as many people as my two hands can handle either. I want to protect a mountain-load of people."_

Those oh so familiar words that came from his own mouth years ago…

_"It's meaningless to just live, it's meaningless to just fight. I want to win!"_

That line that encouraged him to keep on fighting a monster like Kenpachi even though he was bleeding himself to death… something he himself said…

_"'Our pride', you said? So that pride you're saying to be so precious, is that connected to killing Rukia? Is it? Then I should stomp on it as you said. 'Cause that's why I obtained this Bankai!"_

That lesson he wanted to teach a man that had locked his heart so very similar to how he has his right now…

_"The difference in strength...what about it? Do you think I should give up just because you're stronger than me? I've always known you were strong. Nothing I see now will change my mind. I will defeat you, Ulquiorra."_

The never caring attitude he had and his stubbornness that even now hasn't left his side once… the confidence he had in himself and his own power…

_"At first, I thought "I want to protect Mom." The ones to protect increased with the birth of my sisters. I kept going to a dojo for the sake of protecting them. I got a bit stronger. The ones I thought I wanted to protect became more and more."_

And that is when he realized. Why should he _care _what others do with him? Since when did their opinion matter? If he was to be used as a rag doll again just because he came back he would prevent it, if he had to protect his beloveds and everyone else again he would do it. Why would anyone else matter right now? It was all about him and those he once sought to protect. He himself had said it before to the loud petite shinigami he had gone to save years ago.

"_From now on I'm ignoring all your opinions! You got that? Huh? I'm the rescuer here, you just shut up!"_

Oh how stupid he had been, his 15 year old self was way more mature than his current 28 year old. He was brave in those times heading straight to the battlefield, going through much bloodshed if it meant he could protect his own friends. He was not a coward back then. And there was only one reason why he did all that 12 years ago.

"**And why is that?"**

Because that's what made him Kurosaki Ichigo.

He gave a slow twirl to the knob, turning it open, a new door that was placed in his path a long time ago but he had yet to see. He pulled the door to see the bright light of the sun shining on the streets of his neighborhood.

He took a step forward clenching the book in his grasp, never looking back to return to his home, closing the door behind him and even going as far as to lock it shut but never going back, he wouldn't dare look back, not because he was scared, no, far from that, it was because of something else.

"Abandon your fear. Look forward. Move forward and never stop. You'll age if you pull back. You'll die if you hesitate."

'Isn't that right, Zan?'

He would not go back, he promised himself that. He would embrace the future but he would never go in blindly, he would give his best effort; not running from everyone, giving them a chance to reform the bond, not pushing them out. He could at least try.

And that was the moment his resolve hardened.

#5#

"Ne otou-san do you think Oni-chan will come?"

Isshin was about to turn to the youngest of his daughters and answer in his usual goofy self, but one look from the two twins combined made him flinch and think twice on wither he should or not. He sighed, apparently being defeated and so easily as well. He glanced back at the road that headed back down the hill and into town and couldn't see anyone in sight. He returned his gaze to his two lovely daughters before lifting an arm to pass fingers lazily through black, somewhat spiky hair.

"I really don't know… he said he might…"

This didn't seem to reassure the two in the slightest and to tell the true it wasn't reassuring Isshin either. He glanced down the road once more, trying to make his eyes reach farther than his eye sight let him to no avail. He glanced at the concrete floor with a saddened expression clearly written in his face, an expression he would have never made years back in front of his children.

A time when Yuzu was still a crybaby that would do so at the sole mention of her mother and later on of her brother as well. A time when Karin acted way older than her age suggested and was always giving a tough act that was clearly made for show.

Now Yuzu was not a crybaby, she had a degree in nursing school having come out at the top of her class, she was fierce and would never back down on what she thought was right even if she was weaker than all three of his children. Karin still puts a tough act but now it's not only for show, she has an outstanding career in sports and no one thinks otherwise, she along with Yuzu are practically 24 and the mere thought sends chills down his spine. His children have grown and he couldn't be happier. If only his family wasn't as broken as it currently was and the worst of all, he could not blame his son because it had been their fault… it had been his fault.

'What kind of father am I?'

He gave out a tired sigh and turned to the twins, they were both silent, Yuzu staring rather earnestly at the picnic basket in her hand and Karin gazing over the sea of tombstones in the graveyard, they were both distracted that much was obvious but they were also worried.

Isshin glanced down the path once more, already given up hope but trying one last time before telling the girls it's time to go, but, as he looks down the road of the hill he can't help but gasp at the sight, eyes as wide as saucers.

The two girls heard their dad and turned to look at his dumbfounded expression only to follow his gaze and catch sight of something orange.

In other words the reason of their depression.

Yuzu brighten ups and leaves the basket on the floor, running forward to catch her brother in a hug, she doesn't realize what she's doing until she's already in his arms.

Ichigo is shocked but he doesn't flinch or push her away, he just looks at her in his arms, ever so happy to see him like if he had just made her day.

"I'm glad you came Oni-chan."

She nuzzles in his chest but he hears her loud and clear, and his heart softens ever so slightly, enough to cause the smallest of smiles to grace his lips. A smile that may seem insignificant for anyone else but for the three Kurosaki's that had arrived prior to the last it was breath taking and an outstanding prize.

"Sorry I'm late…"

His voice is soft and hardly audible but they don't care, because Ichigo isn't using his monotone voice or his indifferent voice either, he's actually here with them so it's more than enough. They will wait until he can fully return to them, they will wait and try their best to fix their mistakes even if it takes the next life as well.

Isshin warms up at seeing his son with his vibrant orange hair back in place and more than anything feels relief when Ichigo's lips make a small upward motion, signifying a small smile. He feels happy when Ichigo responds to Yuzu's pleas in a voice that actually holds emotion and quickly makes a vow to himself.

'I will not screw this up. I will not let this chance go to the waste. I shall pay for my sin and fix this messed up situation… I'm supposed to be a father and that's what I'm going to be…'

That moment the four Kurosaki's all held determination. One was determined to try and unlock his emotions little by little, trying not to push out those that worried. The other three were determined to never let the orange head feel alone, they would not abandon him now that he was apparently trying to make an effort and not lock himself up.

They were going to make this work.

To be continued…

Hope you liked this new chapter, await the next update and I thank everyone that gives a second of their time to review, favorite or follow.

See you next chapter!


	6. With time

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach in anyway, if I did I would have made some normal day chapters since Ichigo is always fighting. (He deserves to rest every now and then)

"Normal Talking"

'Thoughts'

*Flashback*

"**Hollowfied Tensa Zangetsu"**

**Comment on the above: Ichigo will have his shinigami powers but exactly like when he fought in the dangai, there is no Hollow and Zanpaktou, they are merged.**

#6#

The breeze brushed the leaves of the never ending trees that were at the edge of the small road. The small sound of the ruffling of green thanks to the wind was the only thing that resounded in the graveyard that looked even more solemn than ever, an environment that no matter how you looked at it had an underling feeling of sadness and grief, something very much expected from a place like this.

A place that carried the burden of hosting the dead even when the soul was no longer there, a place that was visited rather frequently by crying friends and family which just made it worse.

But, in a particular grave there was something rather rare. A family of four that didn't weep or sob like one would expect, a family that didn't have a dark cloud under their heads as most of them happened to have. A family that even if broken was still livelier than any other; that family, was the Kurosaki family.

The four stood in front of their diseased mother's/wife's grave, knowing perfectly well that she was not there since they all had the knowledge of the afterlife. They all stood in silence, awaiting the last of them to gather his thoughts and decide on what to say, they had all done so already surprising the now orange head when Yuzu, instead of crying like she always did smiled and bid their mother well. When their crazy father had actually said something… mature? And had not thrown a tantrum like he would expect. He was surprised when Karin… did the same thing she always did; but anyways, he was now trying to understand his own feelings, trying to gather everything and pick out exactly what to say because he _did_ have a lot to say, words that maybe not directly linked to his mother but they were very well meant for her to hear, words that might give his family the answer he had yet to give them.

Ichigo heaved out a sigh and crotched down so that he was in level with the gray grave, grave that might as well be empty but still held a sense of peace and prosperity for the broken family of four. He brought a tanned hand to the surface of the stone, tracing with his fingers the name of his diseased mother rather slowly and sadly, knowing that he needed to do something and not just stay there like a small child that was searching for comfort. He tensed up when he felt a strong hand on his shoulder and turned slowly to look directly into the brown eyes of his father, eyes that shined with comprehension and sympathy but not pity.

"Take your time Ichigo… we have all day if needed."

Ichigo stared into the deep brown of his father before turning to look at the twins wanting to see some sort of verification that what Isshin had said was true for all three of them and he indeed did find what he needed reflected in their eyes, the windows to their very souls. Yuzu smiled at him and Karin gave a nod to further clarify and Ichigo couldn't help but feel relief as he himself nodded before turning back to look at the cold grave.

He looked at it rather intently, still not finding words to say or give. His amber eyes softening ever so slightly when he thought of his mother, her warm smile and comprehending eyes shining with love and care that one would have a hard time not believing it's genuine. He thought of how she had always wanted him to be honest with his feelings and how she always said she would love them no matter what was to happen in the future. With all those thoughts of her he couldn't really feel worry in his heart, knowing how just seeing her smile through memories could bring him at peace.

He gripped his hands harder to ball them into a fist and Ichigo looked down when he remembered what he had brought with him this morning and couldn't stop the small tug upwards his lips seemed to do involuntarily when he finally found what to say, what to do, something that would without a doubt count as much more than anything he could think of saying because sometimes actions were louder than words themselves.

So instead of opening his mouth to speak he took the hard covered book and placed it on top of the tombstone with care. He left it there, looking at it, searching for any hesitance in his thoughts before standing up and turning around, walking past his family to let them see his answer for themselves, an answer that may seem a bit cowardly but for Ichigo it was the best he could come up with.

The three Kurosakis seemed to understand the silent gesture and took a step forward to see what Ichigo had done an when their eyes caught sight of the hard covered book they couldn't help but widen in eyes. Yuzu gasped before bringing her hands to cover her mouth while Karin just stood there silently, the only one that actually had enough comprehension to talk was Isshin and even then he couldn't help but choke on his own words.

"Tha-That's Tensa Zangetsu…"

All three of them turned to look at Ichigo only to find him looking into the blue sky with his back to them so they really couldn't see his expression or any hint of verification that what Isshin had said was true. So they went back to looking at the cover, astonishment in their expressions as even Yuzu and Karin had heard of their brother's sword and its description. They searched for every and any detail on the hard cover feeling really well the loneliness and abandonment the sword reflected but even then, the lonely black pitch blade in the everlasting white sands was beautiful. They all looked at the top of the cover to read the title only to find their curiosity burning to fiery red.

_Silent forgiveness._

The curiosity brought the better of her and Karin couldn't help but crotch down and turn the book so that the back was now facing them letting the blurb be read and what it had written gave them a pretty concrete answer after all, something they couldn't help but feel proud of but at the same time saddened.

_It's tough when someone important to us starts to ignore us, but it's even tougher when we have to pretend that we don't mind._

_I wonder why you had to wait until now to notice my pain when I am no longer by your side. When it is already too late._

_But do not fret as when you awaken in morning's hush, I am the swift uplifting breeze, I am the quiet birds in circle flight, I am soft stars that shine at night. _

_Don't stand beside my grave and cry. I am not there. I did not die… I just went to a better place. A place where I could find my silent forgiveness._

They once again turned to look at the orange head, very surprised by the new book that has even yet to be published, the book that still holds the name Mugetsu on the corner as the author, the book that holds as much sentiment than anyone of his previous works but even so this one had to be the best of them all because now it had a purpose, a purpose that Ichigo himself gave it and as the three went to stand next to the orange head they all couldn't help but feel surprise and awe at hearing the last words he muttered to their non-present mother in the whole day.

"Arigatō, Oka-san… for giving me a second chance."

#4#

The visit to Masaki's grave wasn't the most commemorative they had ever had, or the happiest of them all but in the end it was still the best. The best because even as Ichigo was somewhat closed up when dealing with his emotions and real thought he had still gone along with his over enthusiastic family, responding to Yuzu's pleas of when that book would be published and if she could get a copy since she absolutely loved the summary or -as Ichigo had told her it was really called- the blurb. He even let Karin go along with her not so hidden scolding of how stupid and dangerous it was to leave and unpublished book like that in such a public place but Ichigo only shrugged it off with a small whisper of _It would have been completely worth it. _So the Kurosaki family had a successful day even if that particular date always seemed to bring dread and sadness but they would count it as a win.

As they had finally made it all the way down the façade Isshin had let down all of a sudden came back in full force like if his seriousness could only take that much longer and he went to glomp his son into a _manly _hug while scaring the shit out of everyone at the same time thanks to the drastic change.

"OH MY SON, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!"

Ichigo was more than surprised and couldn't help but panic at the gesture, wanting all but to get free and said action being very much part of his plan of the next five seconds. But before he could even think about bringing his fist up to smack his idiot of a father on the head, said person whispered barely audible words into his ear, words that were too fast to be comprehended in that moment as to stop his own punch but slow enough to actually come to comprehend them.

"I need to tell you something very important tomorrow."

"WHAT THE HELL GOAT-FACE!"

He heard the words, he really did, but he decided to go along with the action, knowing instinctively that this was something the previous captain of the gotei 13 didn't want the girls to know about, at least not yet. So he sent kicks the man's way, making him into a bloody pulp and hating how Isshin acted all weak when Ichigo –and maybe the twins- knew the raven head could have done a better job defending himself.

Apparently the banter of the two was passed off as real and as such the twins didn't notice the not so subtle wink Isshin sent Ichigo's way as in showing he had done a good job. Ichigo only scowled harder before stuffing his hands in his long trench coat, trying hard enough to ignore the curiosity that was killing him and at the same time stay concentrated on his surroundings.

As it turned out in the end Ichigo had followed them into the Kurosaki clinic to follow up with the rest of the day, wanting to leave in a way and isolate himself since he felt slightly exposed to too many feelings in one day, but at the same time wanting to stay with his family longer. He did so, and they had a nice dinner in peace, Ichigo staying quiet for the most of the part and trying as hard as he could to follow up with their expectations, smiling when there would be something to laugh about, nodding and responding little by little when he was asked something by his over enthusiastic sister Yuzu and father Isshin, keeping a calm exterior when warm feelings were directed his way and trying as hard as he could to keep from showing his slight discomfort he sometimes seemed to feel.

But in the end he was able to go through the whole dinner with relatively ease, only deciding to leave when the sun started to go down, knowing that even if it was a little while his family felt grateful for the time he was able to stand.

He was able to leave with little to no resistance, his sisters and father showing clearly in their eyes how they wished he would stay and maybe sleep in his old room that –as they had told him- had been untouched up until now, only being touched when it was necessary to clean it but still complied when Ichigo had told them as softly as he could that he wasn't particularly fond of staying and that he honestly wanted to go home.

What he hadn't told them however was that he wanted to go somewhere, going on a light stroll under the moon light and letting his feet take him to his destiny. Path known by pure instinct and having no real need of paying attention of what was in front of him.

Once the river bank came to view, Ichigo strode over to the edge, standing in the precise place that the incident had happened and not being bothered one bit. Not going because he was saddened or that he was emotionally distressed like he would do sometimes but just because he wanted some peace, and right now that particular location where Grand Fisher had murdered Masaki and almost himself was just too tempting to be his safe place.

"I thought I would find you here when you weren't home."

Not really turning to look at the newcomer but still recognizing her presence Ichigo sat down, head turned upwards to look at the stary sky while he heaved out a ver much audiable sigh.

"Why am I not surprised you came Rukia?"

Said person just walked forward to sit right next to the now orange head, not suprising her one bit that he had dyed out the black and actually preferring it this way than anything else.

"Well maybe because of all your friends I'm the only one that can somehow coax you into listening to what we have to say."

Ichigo in response scoffed, this time surprising the petite Shinigami as she was not exactly expecting a response from the other in the first place, thinking that he was still as closed off as he had been on the day he had accepted their visit.

Rukia couldn't stop the small smile that curled up her lips at the thought of this new variable, thinking that maybe just maybe they could get their good relationship back together.

"So why are you still here? I would expect you to be back in soul society."

"Well I was able to get a small leave from duties along with Renji so I can still stay a little longer."

Ichigo only gave a hum of acknowledgment before he gave back his attention to the dark blue sky, feeling the breeze brush his orange locks that, now that he thought about it, had started to reach a new length he hadn't ever used, he might even be able to tie up the back part even if just a little, it most likely almost reached his shoulder blades anyway.

The orange head turned to look at the raven head for the first time since she came and couldn't help but stop and lock with violet that had been boring a hole on his head from the beginning. She seemed nervous and a little bit hopeful but more than anything her Violet eyes were hardened with determination like they had been in the past, hardness that his own amber seemed to lack now and days.

"What?"

He blinked taken aback by the sudden reproach she gave him and finally noticed that he had been staring into her eyes for some time now, she looked a little flustered, if not even more nervous while Ichigo just kept his expression blank. Upon seeing this he turned back to look in front, not really knowing how to respond and not knowing himself what to do, after all he had come here for peace and quiet, not really expecting to be confronted by someone but not really caring that Rukia was present either.

"So… what do you plan to do now Ichigo?"

"Is there anything to plan about midget?"

This seemed to trigger her usual fiery personality, Ichigo actually liking it more than the nervous Rukia and inwardly smirking to himself while on the outside he growned in pain thanks to the whack he received on the head.

"Ow, what was that for Rukia?"

He lacked his loud demeanor, she noticed, he was different even if he acted more relaxed now but he was not the same, but he was still Ichigo so she pushed it aside.

"That's for calling me midget."

She smirked, somewhat evil aura radiated from her as a plan formed in her head, she now only needed to put it in action. Rukia turned to look at the scowling orange head, noting another thing of the whole list of differences she had seen before and mentally writing the softer scowl Ichigo used in the present and how it was more of a half heartily action and somewhat forced.

"Ne Ichigo? For being a prick you'll have to do me a favor."

He stopped whining to look at the raven head, disbelief written all over his face as he took in what she had said and not really taking it in account one bit.

"No."

"Yes you will."

"Why, I never did you favors in the past. You would just hit me and may I mention you already did so. So I answer again. No."

She rolled her eyes before slapping him in the back and looking at his more natural scowl –she could work with that better than the fake one- and knowing that what Ichigo had said was true but not wanting to take no for an answer anyways.

"Well to bad I already decided, you'll do me a favor anyway."

The orange head groaned before throwing his hands back to better support himself, not liking one bit how he was being forced into some sort of agreement that in his eyes –and probably Rukia's as well he thought- just didn't make sense.

"Shouldn't it be the other way around?"

Rukia visibly stiffened and Ichigo wanted to slap himself for being so insensible. Sure, they had hurt him, but that didn't mean he could rub it in their face just like that, the wound would never heal if he did so and that was not something he wanted.

He was very grateful when Rukia's momentarily hesitation and remorse faded and her determination returned with a hint of happiness.

"Yeah, maybe you're right. But by doing me this favor WE'LL be saying we're sorry. So no buts, I'm counting on that favor of yours carrot top."

This time Ichigo didn't do anything to stop her, just huffing out a silent sigh that even then went noticed by the petite shinigami to show his exasperation, not really having an option and thinking that _The favor _as she had come to call it couldn't be THAT bad.

"Alright so now that it's decided I-"

She was cut off by a beeping noise that brought both their attention, both very much accustomed to that particular tone and making Ichigo stiffen as he knew that it might even be a hollow alert.

When Rukia didn't jump off to leave and only took out her phone to answer, Ichigo relaxed, not liking the idea of hollow hunting when everyone knew he couldn't do a thing even if he actually could.

"Yes, this is Kuchiki Rukia speaking."

"_Ah, Kuchiki-san, it's good to hear from you."_

"Yes, sorry if I hadn't contacted you earlier but I hadn't had the time to do so."

"_No no, no problem what so ever, you were on leave so it's to be expected. Now, to business, I need you to come back to soul society, it is of grave importance and must be seen to immediately. You can go back once done but you do need to come as soon as possible."_

Rukia frowned, not liking the sound of things and thinking the worst. She hoped Kiyone and Sentaro hadn't done something crazy while she was gone, that was basically one of her only concerns of leaving her post of lieutenant so it was kind of concerning.

"Is something wrong Taicho?"

"_Well it's not something bad so as to say but it is something that we must asset to and Sensei along with the rest of the Taichos thought it would be best if you came."_

Now this intrigued her in more ways than she would like to admit. What could possibly need the attention a lieutenant when all 13 captains would be gathered?

"Very well Ukitake-Taicho, I'll be on my way."

She was about to hang up when Ukitake's voice cut her off, making her return the phone to her ear just in time to hear the last sentence that sounded a little rushed so as to say.

"Send my regards to Ichigo-kun from all of us captains."

The line went dead, making Rukia think that her captain was most likely not alone when he called and that maybe that greeting was pushed on him by whoever was present –the best guess being Kyōraku.

On the other hand Ichigo had been hearing the one-sided conversation that made him frown, not liking that apparently Rukia had been called back even if she was in leave, which just didn't put him at ease just knowing that something bad was to happen and more so because Ukitake himself had been the one to call.

Rukia mean while stood up, hating the need to return when she was about to do something that might make the loose ends they had left at the end of the war amend, or at least be lighter.

She glanced back to look at Ichigo with a sorry expression in place, trying to show just how much she really didn't want to leave like that and so abruptly as well.

"Sorry Ichigo, Ukitake-Taicho said it's important but that I can come back once I'm finished. I'll be back soon."

Ichigo sighed before nodding, threading a hand through his orange locks and looking up to see Rukia while trying to force a smile, it was the least he could do so that she could go more at ease and at the same time reassure himself.

"Right… just, come back okay?"

The raven head stopped on her tracks, thinking that Ichigo sounded like a wounded puppy being scared of being left alone but still in his expression looking as blank as ever, the two facts not bonding well together and not being logical what so ever.

She shook her hood however, mentally scolding herself for searching Ichigo for every detail. He was still Ichigo and that was all that mattered.

"Don't worry, I'll come back as soon as I can. Just…"

Rukia was thoughtful for a second, hesitating in her words and at the same time wanting to say them and get it over with.

Ichigo on the other hand had his curiosity burning to a bright, blinking red light inwardly, while on the outside he was trying to give his hardest scowl and showing Rukia that he wanted her to talk and NOW.

She breathed in, huffing the air out the next second before looking down and spitting out the words in a rush, stammer of words that were still understood by Ichigo even if someone else might have missed it completely.

"Do you…doyouhateus?"

Rukia realized her error and blushed at the stupid nerves that just made it worse, she tried to relax herself while still not looking to see Ichigo and trying to say it once more but calmly.

"Do you hate us? The shinigami I mean?"

Ichigo seemed taken aback by the question before he calmed down on the inside even of on the outside he honestly didn't show a thing –action that nerved Rukia further. The orange head sighed before turning to look at the starless sky, moon being the sole thing in the sky and being reflected in his very amber eyes.

"Well… I can't say for sure the thought of hating the shinigami didn't come to mind but… actually hating you guys? That's kind of stupid in my opinion. I'm not going to gain anything by doing so anyway."

The petite shinigami stood with awe written all over her face, thinking that the snotty teenager she had known in the past would have never said something like this and would most likely said the first thing that came to mind. He really did mature.

"But… I can't say I don't resent all of you deep down… and I can't say for sure either that the relationship we all held will amend back. But I am trying so I expect all you bastards to do so as well."

And that sounded more like Ichigo. But that was what put her more at ease anyway, she wouldn't want it any other way.

"Idiot. We all want to get everything better."

She smiled, thinking that she could go in more ease knowing that the barrier between Ichigo was thinning little by little and that they did have a chance, thinking that maybe if some other shinigami came to him he would most likely close up but not caring so long as _they _were let in. If that was what it would take then the rest of the gotei could very well go to hell.

"And it will be… with time. Time that we have to spare knowing where we are going once we die…"

"Ah… a new start for everyone…"

To be continued…

**Preview in my profile!**

**Hope you liked, review and favorite/follow –it inspires the writer!**

**Thank you for your time guys!**


	7. So ironic it just makes sense

Disclaimer: I do NOT own bleach. If I would say it does belong to me I would just be saying a beautiful lie.

"Normal Talking"

'Thoughts'

_Flashback_

"**Hollowfied Tensa Zangetsu"**

**Comment on the above: Ichigo will have his shinigami powers but exactly like when he fought in the dangai, there is no Hollow and Zanpaktou, they are merged.**

#7#

_*"Does it scare you? Seeing so__mething happen that you just cannot understand?"_

_For a moment Ichigo honestly thought Aizen would go mad. That he would lose himself in his own incompetence and start to go more on the crazy side than one would like to admit._

_But as the brunette composed his bone chilling, white against purple eyes, the man started to chuckle in a low and humorless tone._

"_Fascinating, Kurosaki Ichigo."_

_As the still calm man spoke in his usual serene tone, Aizen backed away a few feet to gain distance as he shook off the low grip Ichigo had on his zanpaktou. His humorless laughter still erupting from his mouth as he was more than a little amused by the human before him._

"_Something I cannot understand? Don't let your momentary victory drive you to conceit. Your physical strength merely exceeded mine for a brief instant. Such miracles can occur from time to time. But I have transcended that level. So to ensure that such miracle does not occur a second time, I need only to utterly disintegrate you with kidou!"_

_Aizen rose his hand into the air as he made a fist before fully outstretching his arm with a finger pointing to the sky. His purple and black reiatsu surrounding him in a fiery show of flames and power that just proved to make the brunette look even scarier than before. Something that oddly enough didn't unnerve the orange head even as he noticed the power the other was starting to gather up._

_He just couldn't find it in himself to care._

_"Seeping crest of turbidity. Arrogant vessel of lunacy! Boil forth and deny! Grow numb and flicker! Disrupt sleep! Crawling queen of iron! Eternally self-destructing doll of mud! Unite! Repulse! Fill with soil and know your own powerlessness…! Hadō #90. Kurohitsugi!"_

_The black coffin started to form around himself but even as Aizen yelled incoherent words he stood still. Not even bothering to comprehend the graveness of his situation and how dire it was to win. He just couldn't; no matter how much he tried. It was just weird that way and he seriously didn't know how to feel even as the black box closed up in a never ending darkness. He didn't know what to expect even as he lifted an arm to destroy his confinements only to meet with Aizen's dumbstruck expression. He didn't know what to think as he muttered words that made sense to him even as they were said in a cold and rather weird tone that only helped in making his greatest enemy even more shocked if even just a second. Ichigo seriously didn't know what to feel as his frozen blade easily cut through skin of his enemy causing said person to retreat in a rather cowardly way that just made him curious yet worried at the same time._

_It was just weird that way. How he felt nothing in the other's intentions as he mutated once more and sent a purple energy blast his way because Aizen Sosuke was already dead in his eyes._

_It was just shocking the way his whole arm ended up burnt and even then he was able to escape from the neck grip he was being held in. How he easily decided on using the final Getsuga Tenshou and how satisfying yet dreadful it felt to finally beat up Aizen enough to be significant._

_It was fulfilling to see the brunette being imprisoned in a kidou Urahara was explaining about and knowing that the reason why they were all safe was partially thanks to himself. And that just brought a sense of relief and calmness that overcame all worry about his lack of power in the near future._

_But even then… even then Ichigo couldn't stop the sorrow he felt in the end. _

'_Fight for what you love, even if you stand alone.'_

_He had heard that quote but he had never really disagreed with such a phrase. It was perfect for someone like him. Almost as if made for his protector roll he was doing. _

_But how wrong he was because it wasn't until now that he realized what it truly meant to stand alone._

'_If there was someone that understood Aizen it was I.'_

_And that was the last thing he really thought in depth about the brown haired man. How standing alone at the top was truly terrifying and maybe just plain boring that it made him sometimes want a bit of chaos. But even then… even then he could only think, not speak._

'_Because it's easier to not say anything. Shut your trap, button your lip, can it. Since all that crap you hear on TV about communication and expressing feelings is a lie. Nobody really wants to hear what you have to say. That's just a beautiful lie.'*_

**Beep Beep, beep beep, Beep Beep, beep beep…**

"Ah shit… why do I always wake up from angsty dreams with the god damn frickin alarm?"

Ichigo groaned, turning around and covering his head with his blue cover to try and plug the noise of the annoying alarm and maybe even catch another hour of sleep. He was too tired to care –and on vacation- so there really wasn't a need to wake up even when the alarm wouldn't shut up.

He guessed he could live with that.

But of course the universe had to disagree with him and for some odd yet peculiar reason his cell-phone started to ring and Ichigo had to think it was anything _but _a coincidence.

"You have got to be kidding me."

He cursed, throwing the covers off his person while placing his feet on the ground to sit on his bed while reaching out for the phone; placing the blasted black electronic on his ear as he went to stop the alarm as well. It would be annoying to talk on the phone while hearing the beeping in the background.

"Hello?"

"Hey! Ichi-chan! How're you doing?!"

The orange head passed a hand over his face rather wearily as he also gave out a long suffering sigh, his eyes heavy with sleep and fatigue as it was doubled when he recognized the voice on the other side.

"… I was just fine until you called."

Ichigo could practically _see_ the pout that would be present on his editor's young face. She was bound to be rolling her eyes as well but Ichigo didn't even comment on it. Just lying flat on his back once again before shrugging on the sheets once again.

He had forgotten to lower the AC and it was rather cold for mid-June.

"Ah~ you hurt me Ichigo-chan. And here I thought I could be merciful because you forgot to tell me about the cover but now I think I changed my mind. Might as well chew you up for it."

At the mention of the cover Ichigo couldn't avoid the scenes of yesterday's events from passing his mind. The unshed tears and silent understanding that all went on even as he had stayed silent all the way. And the only thing he could do was thank a cold, hard covered book that was now as important to him as his very mother.

How ironic.

"Yeah… I guess I should apologize for that. But I want the cover to stay the same. No modifications. It's perfect as it is. Just like I drew it."

Mizuki was quite shocked at hearing Ichigo so… alive. But even then she decided to stay silent and enjoy the once in a life time experience and took it all in as if it were something normal. She would have liked to investigate what had given the raven head –she didn't know it was a dye- the energy he currently had but she sure as hell wasn't complaining.

"So it's okay? I guess this way we can put it on sale at the end of the month. Don't go losing the samples okay Ichigo? Wouldn't want them to fall on wrong hands before the sale."

Ichigo froze at the mention of losing his books, thinking that he shouldn't tell his editor that he had already left a book out in the open even if it was in good hands –so as to say.

So instead of thinking about the matter he just gave a low sound of recognition as he was too distracted to think about responding. For some reason yesterday's events came back in full force and it might have been too much to take in.

"Ichigo…?"

"… Yes?"

"… I'm really glad this has been helping you even if it might hurt you in the process but… just, don't think about it much okay. The small details are not important."

"Yeah… I guess… Did you need anything else Mizuki?"

"I just wanted to inform you that I sent your mail yesterday morning so I doubt it'll take long to arrive. Just so you know."

"Alright. I'll be attentive to that."

"Take care Ichigo-chan!"

Ichigo left the phone on his ear even as he heard the dial tone that assured him Mizuki had hung up. He stayed like that, lying flat on his back with the pitch black phone hanging limply on his hand even as he still held it close to his ear; thinking about Rukia's abrupt leave, his family day and most of all his father's words.

_*I need to tell you something very important tomorrow*_

Those stupid words he had easily forgotten about in favor of pushing the problem aside and enjoy his day but now that he wasn't half asleep anymore –thanks to a certain someone- he couldn't help but think about it.

"Yesterday's tomorrow is today… huh, maybe I can use that."

Ichigo stretched in his place before jumping off his bed. Finally hanging up his phone and placing on the night stand beside his bed. He turned to look at his messy bed before thinking that it could be left for later, going to take a shower and change before starting his day.

Once he was freshened up and clothed in comfy, indoor clothing he started to tidy his bed before going to make a light breakfast. When Ichigo was almost finished eating his scrambled eggs and French toast the doorbell rang, signaling the most likely arrival of his package and as such getting up to receive it –he didn't expect visitors anyway so he knew it would have to be that.

As he opened the door Ichigo was surprised to see none other than Keigo with a delivery uniform and a giant cardboard box that barely let him see the brunette's face.

"Package."

Ichigo grabbed the box from the man before placing it on the floor but inside his home, noticing how it was pretty heavy and that it would most likely be a drag to check it all.

Why was he so famous?

But when Keigo finally saw who was the one that received the delivery he couldn't help but yell out in surprise and point an accusing finger towards Ichigo. Gapping and sputtering incoherent words before a full sentence finally followed through.

"AH! Ichigo! This was your house?! I completely forgot which one was yours even if I knew you lived nearby! I can't believe it. What a coincidence."

"Yeah… true. Where do I need to sign?"

Keigo just raised an eyebrow at Ichigo's lack of emotion before pushing it to the back of his mind since he remembered rather vividly how their ties hadn't been exactly restored. It was just a mutual understanding.

"Oh, yeah. I need you to sign here please."

The orange head received the sheet of paper before signing it in his tidy, elegant handwriting; the process well practiced since he usually had much to write even if the manuscript was in computer. As he finished Ichigo returned the folded piece of paper to the brunette before giving a small yet very much fake smile to try and ease the situation.

He was trying.

"Hey Ichigo… I wanted to say again how sor-"

"It's not your fault Keigo. It's no one's fault… It was just how things went. Nothing else."

Ichigo's words weren't precisely warm but they weren't cold either. They held a balance of confidence even as there was an underlying feeling of astray sentiment. Such a contradiction it just made sense.

"But even then… even then I just want to say it you know. We were all friends. I even miss your punches and headlocks! So… just let me say it again… I'm sorry I didn't notice before."

The orange head just eyed wearily his friend. Thinking that Keigo had actually matured even if he still held onto his childish demeanor. It was kinda curious if not weird. But as the brunette kept on staring at him with high hopes Ichigo couldn't help but turn to enter his house slightly and looking at him from the corner of his eye to try and get his point across.

"Then I guess I can accept that if you guys also accept mine… I'm going to fix this… with time."

With those last words Ichigo closed the door basically in the others face only in time to see him brighten up like a kid on Christmas night and Ichigo couldn't suppress the small tug upwards his lips made as he heard the other man yell from outside his house in full force even as he also rolled his eyes.

"YOU BETTER FIX IT I-CHI-GO! WE NEVER GOT TO GO TOGETHER TO A BAR AND LOOK FOR GIRLS SO GET IT TOGETHER! WE'RE WAITING!"

"Ah… we're all waiting. Even myself."

After Keigo left to continue his deliveries –he couldn't stay even if he wanted to- Ichigo had returned to his kitchen and gathered all his dirty dishes before going to his library to open his mail.

It was bound to be a mountain load and he knew he needed to get started now or he would never finish. As he expected the box was full of normal cards with varying colors and sizes that just made him smile

It was all fan letters and he could proudly say that those fans had been part of what kept him going all these years. So he started to read them. One by one and word by word, not wanting to miss a letter of those people that had bothered to write him one in the first place.

Many would have thought that Ichigo would never bother with stuff like this –his delinquent appearance gave him that image- but he actually did and sometimes he even responded with something more than a thank you and signature. He could easily lose himself reading and more so when he was writing –there were times he didn't eat in a whole day because he wouldn't even notice the time- so it didn't come as a surprise when he started to notice the sun go down in a beautiful sunset.

What he was surprised about had been the anonymous text he received that alerted him of the time in the first place. But as he read the content of the message the identity of the sender was no longer a question.

Hello my precious son!

I wanted to remind you of our little date today and tell you that Karin and Yuzu are out for the weekend so you're free to stay with your daddy and have a sleepover. I will even let you share my bed!

Sincerely: The best daddy in the world.

Yup, he still didn't know who it belonged to.

But now he had something to do and it had long been overdue. He knew a part of what his dad wanted to tell him and honestly he wouldn't be mad if they just _didn't _have this talk. But it was needed. They had to get things clear and hopefully end in better terms.

He just hoped it was the right thing to do because if it wasn't than he was sure to fall back big time.

"**I doubt that will happen in the end… If you ask me I believe that this is exactly what you need to finally find your path…"**

And as Tensa Zangetsu muttered comforting words in his head Ichigo couldn't help but feel a bit better and hope he was right. He could no longer continue as lost as he was.

He was a protector all be damned and he better get his grip and get back on gear. That was _his_ post no matter what.

#7#

When Isshin had mentioned that the girls weren't there Ichigo knew that it was so he could easily come without feeling more dread than necessary but even then as he stood outside of the Kurosaki clinic Ichigo couldn't give the last step to go inside.

But as it happened he really didn't need to because the next second the door abruptly flew open and out came the eldest of the Kurosaki family. Isshin was serious, the most serious Ichigo had ever seen him but the raven head also held something that Ichigo could describe as an expression one would wear when reprimanding a child. As if disappointed Ichigo didn't come in on his own free will.

But as soon as it was seen it left and a goofy grin appeared on the older man's face that made the orange head sweat drop thanks to the drastic change

"All~righty~then! My son came to visit his daddy! So, how 'bout some of your old man's famous cooking!"

"You idiotic goat. Stop that. You wanted to talk, here I am. So I would like it if we could actually dialog like real adults."

This actually surprised Isshin and as such, he couldn't suppress the tug upwards his brow made in pure confusion. However, what shocked him more was the soft scowl marring Ichigo's features. Nothing like the depressing expression he would see now in days or the emotionless mask Ichigo opted in a defensive mechanism. But then Ichigo just had to go ahead and surprise him more with what happened next.

"And maybe if you at least _try_ to act like an adult I'll take your offer of eating your so called famous cooking. I haven't eaten anyways."

Isshin was left dumbfounded before a normal smile found his way and he clamped Ichigo's shoulder and huddled him inside.

"That's not good Ichigo you need to eat all three meals!"

The orange head smiled ever so slightly before letting the taller man steer him into the Kurosaki household. And if Isshin noticed this he didn't say a thing because he was more than happy to cook for his only son.

Once Isshin had finished cooking for Ichigo and they had both eaten they sat with a cup of tea each and both silently enjoying their bonding without goofy covers or emotionless masks. It had been a good evening.

But as Ichigo sighed in relief Isshin did the same before opting a more serious expression. The orange head noticed this and opted for one equally as serious before looking at his father in the eye, silently waiting for him to start since it seemed he was finally ready.

"You know. I never wanted to burden you or the girls with any of my past but I know that we can't leave things like this so…"

Isshin sighed before scratching the back of his head and looking back at the orange head that was hearing rather intently each of his words. Almost as if they were worth a gold mine and that in a way broke his heart.

"… Remember… back then… you said that I could spill my guts when I felt that the time was right? Well… get ready for some gut spilling."

And Ichigo didn't even bat an eye as he listened to his father relate everything from back when he as captain of the 10th to how he met his mother and how he lost his powers and Ichigo could silently feel proud that many of his hypothesis had been rather correct as to what was told compared to what he knew.

When Isshin was done telling basically his life story he was rather shocked to see that Ichigo was composed and maybe even shall he say not surprised and that in a way surprised _him._

"Hey Ichigo…? Why are you not surprised?"

Ichigo stayed silent before shifting in his place to cross one of his legs over the other, supporting his head with his arm that was on the dining table.

"Well… the things about your shinigami life I already suspected as much but the thing I am surprised about was mom."

'Even though that's a lie.'

"…When did you realize?"

The orange head just gave a cocky smile in such an Ichigo-like way that Isshin had to do a double take to make sure he wasn't seeing things. But as Ichigo just kept on looking at him in a tease like way he couldn't help but take it in as real.

"Seriously dad. You think I can't put some of my imagination to fly and put two plus two together? I'm supposed to be a famous author so I think I have to spare."

Isshin was left gapping before he shut up and stared at his son that reverted to a normal every day scowl like if his defense system had automatically triggered it because his father was now staring at him rather incredulously.

"You-… I don't know if to feel proud or horrified."

"…Why would you feel horrified?"

"Because that's basically my life story and you're just saying you put it together in your head like if it were another one of your stories?"

Ichigo just shrugged it off before sipping a bit of his last tea. Thinking that it would be useless to respond or else he could be discovered.

He knew it was awful of his part. To hide things from his family and friends but even then he just couldn't afford to get caught. He wasn't ready. H didn't know when he would be but now wasn't the time. He would keep everything secret until he could.

"So… are you staying over for some family bonding?"

"I already stayed for dinner. I think that's enough _father-son _bonding."

Isshin just barked out a hoard of laughter before patting Ichigo on the back. Enjoying the fact that he was able to have a nice time with his son even if they had such a serious talk. Something he wasn't quite expecting of that night…

"Now that I notice… it's pretty night… two in the morning?!"

Ichigo also widen in eyes before glancing at the clock and seeing his father was right so instead of lazing around he stood up and reached out to pat his dad in goodbye.

"I think I should get going."

"It's late Ichigo. You should stay over."

The orange head raised an eyebrow before rolling his eyes, starting to make way towards the door only to be stopped by a grasp on his shoulder.

"Oh c'mon. You're gonna leave your old man alone in this house?"

"… Yes."

"Masaki! Your son is so mean to me! What if I need help in the middle of the night?! Who shall I relay on?!"

This of course caused the orange head to scowl and tremble in rage before it was too much and he exploded. No longer being able to take in the complaints from his father and much less to his dead mother.

Anything to keep Masaki in peace.

"Alright! Alright! Just stop your yapping and stay quiet!"

As Ichigo sighed in exasperation Isshin was doing a happy dance to show his… happiness. It was rather odd seeing a scowling orange head next to a grown adult doing a ridiculous show.

"Yes! We can watch movies! Or play video games or-!"

"It's not a god damn sleep over! Go to sleep you old goat!"

Ichigo grabbed Isshin by his arm and dragged him towards the man's room on the second floor, passing his own and the twins without a second glance and opening the master bedroom's door while shoving the ex-shinigami captain at full force.

"And stay in there!"

He banged the door shut. Trying to prove his point before walking down the hall silently and slowly, only stopping to stare at his door, his _ex-door_ before walking down stairs.

'I'm not ready. I won't go in. If it's the same as when I left than _that_ will still be there.'

Ichigo gave a defeated sigh before flopping down on the couch. He had a long day and he might as well sleep because if Isshin's banter was anything to go by he would wake up the same or worse.

But of course the universe just loved to make things hard for him and as such he would get anything _but_ rest.

#7#

He felt light. Lighter than what should be normal but even then he couldn't think to care. It felt so comfortable, like being embraced in a warmth that carried every bit and left him to feel his empty shoulders. So light.

Light.

"**WAKE UP, ICHIGO!"**

And then it's replaced by pain.

"Ow! What the hell Tensa! Warn me when you're gonna drag me in here!"

Ichigo stood up from his place on the glass building before glaring at his shinigami/hollow/quincy counterpart, thinking that it was rather weird for the usually calm man to yell at him and kick him at the same time. It was as if he was urgent about something and that would answer the question as to why he had been thrown in here in the first place.

"… **Did you come to a decision…?"**

Ichigo knew. He knew what his counterpart was talking about. He knew that the answer Tensa was expecting was also the one he was expecting to come from himself.

They wanted to know what came next.

"… I…"

He felt Tensa grasp his shoulder and he knew that the man was trying to be supportive even as he stood quietly by his side. Like if he had the time of the world and that he would wait forever if needed.

"I… don't want to stay in the past…"

"**Then? What will you do…? What do you want us to do…?"**

He gripped his hands into a fist, trying to ground his own emotions so that they would no longer run amok. He needed this. He wanted this and that was exactly what he would do.

"I think… I think it's time to embrace the future..."

Ichigo turned to look at Tensa Zangetsu's mismatched eyes before giving a small yet distinctive smile to show the depths of his words. He would try and more than anything it he would do it.

"I want to learn about myself. Show me about us Zangetsu. Show me all my halves… I will no longer run."

"**Than that we will do."**

And right before his very eyes hollowfied Tensa Zangetsu split in two once more causing Ichigo to stare wide eyed as they finally returned to their original form even if still in bankai.

"**W**_**e**_** w**_**i**_**l**_**l**_** f**_**i**_**n**_**i**_**s**_**h**_** w**_**h**_**a**_**t**_** w**_**e**_** n**_**e**_**v**_**e**_**r **_**s**_**t**_**a**_**r**_**t**_**e**_**d."**_

To be continued…

Hello all my readers I'm happy to see this is going somewhere because I was kinda worried I would no longer know where to take it. But the the gods of fanfiction enlightened me with a brainstorm as I was writing another fanfiction –that will come out as soon as I finish reviewing- and I finally decided on how to take it to the end. And believe me. It will be awesome!

Thank you for your time and I hope you enjoyed this new chapter and if you're a yaoi fan than look out for my **_new fanfic_** that will come out as soon as possible (GrimmIchi).


	8. Reason

Disclaimer: I do NOT own bleach. That is the cruel reality… NO! *sulks in a corner and curses life for not being able to invent bleach before Tite Kubo*

"Normal Talking"

'Thoughts'

_*Flashback*_

"**Tensa Zangetsu Quincy"**

"_**Tensa Zangetsu hollow"**_

#8#

"So all I have to do is form a bow using reishi. Simple enough."

The young, teenage like spirit shook his head before demonstrating the technique himself. He wanted Ichigo to understand even if they had been trying for some time now but the thing was that shinigami abilities were quite the opposite to Quincy ones.

**"Concentrate on your surroundings, not what's inside."**

"You make it sound so easy."

The younger of the two shook his head before gazing at his _wielder_with his sky blue eyes, trying to observe the orange head's surroundings to see if he was doing as told before turning back to look at his own sky blue bow that dissipated the next second on his command.

**"Try grasping onto the energy around you. Like a ribbon. Tug it in and don't use what's inside of you."**

Ichigo didn't respond, too concentrated on his task to notice the snickers coming from his shinigami-hollow-half. He was trying to grasp onto that _thing_ his Quincy half was telling him and as such he was too busy to care and much less reproach. He needed to do this. He needed to find it and manifest it and-

And the next instant a gigantic and unrefined bow formed in his awaiting hands in such a way that almost scared the living hell out of him even if the next second he was grinning like a boy on Christmas morning.

Hey, what did you expect? This was some big shit going on because his lack of reiatsu control was still… lacking. Thus, creating his bow was actually a reason to celebrate.

"I did it! I really did it! Look guys! It's my bow!"

The Quincy teenager merely smirked while the hollow man rolled his eyes even if he was also happy for his king. Zangetsu-hollow just couldn't leave the opportunity to tease his wielder just like that. It was a necessity to be a sadistic bastard –not really.

**"Well done Ichigo."**

**_"It was about time king. I don't know why you're lauded for your fast learning. That took forever!"_**

Ichigo of course took nothing of it and his previous cheery demeanor –if you could call it that in the first place- quickly dissipated into nothingness to be replaced by a harsh scowl that looked more realistic than ever. Even if it had been basically rehearsing in the bathroom mirror –he couldn't just go around with a half-baked expression that lacked emotion.

"Shut up! It only took me two hours!"

"_**Yeah, but how about the other training we've been doing since the goat told you of his past six days ago? You're Quincy abilities are even depressing to watch!"**_

Ichigo couldn't help but furrow his brows even if he was technically pouting like a five year old. But even then he didn't deny it because it was true. They had been teaching Ichigo all the abilities he had but never really used and as such he had been rather busy lately.

It had been a drag to hear the long ass explanations of his Quincy powers even if they were enlightening but even more of a bother was actually practicing said powers. He had disappointed Tensa –Quincy- a lot lately and that didn't bode well with him because he wanted to get things right but after six days –and a lot of patience- he had finally _mastered_ the basic techniques.

He had been quite surprised to see he was a real pro at Blut and Hirenkyaku –even if he preferred shunpo and sonido- and that it wasn't that hard to use those abilities in combat. The real problem started when he was asked to form a bow that was stable enough to stay fiscal –he _had_ been able to form it but the bow quickly disappeared or wasn't materialized correctly. But now he was finally able to form an appropriate bow that –as he had just tried- _actually_ shot arrows.

Now the real problem would be that bad ass technique Zangetsu –Quincy- had told him about. The Vollständig.

Apparently it is a rare Quincy technique that enhances every ability and throws in some new ones as well. This also takes a lot of training to achieve so Zangetsu-Quincy left it for the very end.

Ichigo's hollow techniques have also been practiced and were easily mastered if only because they are pretty raw and pure power with little to no control. The hardest part of his hollow powers had been instant regeneration but with a little encouragement –missing an arm and being threatened with losing the other- he had succeeded in the end.

So now all he needed to practice was his bow and start training for the Vollständig which would take a lot of stamina as he had been told. Also, practicing his previous powers had been fun but even then he needed to keep it up and learn how to reseal his bankai blade because for some reason it just wouldn't go back to shikai.

When he had asked both Tensa Zangestus about this the answer he had received was not reassuring nor helping in the least.

***"I created that blade by using your reiatsu to prevent you from using your real zanpaktou" **_Quincy-Zangetsu had said with little to no regret._

"_**You didn't have an asauchi in the past nor in the present so I cannot manifest correctly" **__His hollow-shinigami half had commented once he had asked if he could use his real zanpaktou now.*_

So all in all he was trying to find a way to, well, get an asauchi. Using a blade that wasn't necessarily a zanpaktou was a little odd even if he had used it countless times in the past. The only reason why he still utilized the blade in the first place was because Zangetsu-Quincy's steady presence resonated from the piece of metal when _both_ of them were supposed to be felt. But right now he could hardly think about _that_ when he had a series of abilities to try, learn, master and comprehend.

"_**Hey king, there's some noise outside!"**_

This of course shocked him out of his stupor as he quickly turned to look at his shinigami-hollow half with little to no emotion which promoted said person to frown and scowl in such an Ichigo-like way that the orange head had little to no trouble in deciphering why Zangetsu had frowned in the first place. As such all Ichigo could do was roll his eyes before he dissipated his bow and abruptly disappeared from his inner world.

Time to check out who the hell came to disrupt his peaceful life as a hermit.

#8#

#July 15th-Soul society#

Rukia walked-ran into the first division barracks with little to no patience in hope that her captain and the rest would still be waiting for her in the captain's meeting room even if it was rather late. She had been called rather abruptly from her _vacation_ and for some reason this didn't bode well with her –not because she was called back to duty but because it had made her jittery and anxious.

But even then she tried to act as composed as possible since she was a lieutenant and a lieutenant did not look all flustered and jittery like she felt she was. But even as she nodded a greeting at the 1st division lieutenant and covered up her anxiousness to enter the meeting room all she could do was think about the small peace they had finally obtained and the impending disaster that was sure to come. Because if Ukitake-Taicho's tone of voice was anything to go by then there was surely something bad awaiting behind those giant doors that were opening with a deafening creek.

As she entered the room, Rukia kneeled down before all the imposing characters with her head hung low in pure respect before finally looking up. She was pleased to see that everyone was still there and that her arrival had not been seen as bad for those that wanted respect before anything.

"Kuchiki Rukia reporting from the real world and present as ordered."

"Stand, Lieutenant Kuchiki. We have much to discuss."

"Yes sir."

Rukia did as she was told and stood with her head held high even when some –Kurotsuchi and Soifon- clearly looked down on her. She noticed her own captain on standby in his post that for some reason carried a rather solemn expression even when he had a small sign of excitement she just couldn't comprehend. The raven head noticed her beloved ni-sama a few steps across from the white haired man with the always-present mask on his face even when he glanced to look at her from the corner of his eye with something akin to apprehension.

But as it seemed, she had little time to dwell on everyone's state of mind because the next minute the head captain banged his cane on the ground to gain attention. He did so and she only straightened up with her hands behind her back while she awaited further instructions.

"Kuchiki Rukia, we have a task for you and you must make sure to fulfill it by the letter."

Rukia merely nodded before hardening her eyes in clear determination. She had a mission and she would be damned if she didn't fulfill it –more so because it was a direct order from the head captain.

"There has been readings the past days of a weird reiatsu-like signature that has come to our attention as worrisome. This reiatsu was just recently noticed only because it was being concealed in the past even when we were –dare I say- searching for it for quite some time. This signature belonged to an ex-substitute-shinigami by the name of Kugo Ginjo that has been MIA for quite a while."

At the mention of a substitute-shinigami all Rukia could do was widen in eyes and hope that her ears had heard wrongly. But as the head captain sighed and shook his head all she could do was believe.

"He is a threat to the soul society and we believe Kurosaki Ichigo has drawn him to _appear_ and as such we are all concerned that said threat will contact Kurosaki Ichigo and do who knows what. We want you to make sure the hero of the winter war stays safe and blissfully unaware of the threat. He is powerless and it has become our duty to protect him at all costs since Kugo Ginjo's objectives lye utterly hidden."

The petite shinigami straightened up and hardened her eyes once more as the head captain finished his explanation and order. She gave a waist length bow and once more stared directly ahead before assuring her superiors with the task at hand.

"I shall not fail to complete my objectives."

The old man nodded and gave a low grunt before his serious expression morphed into something a bit more _relaxed_ –if that was even possible- before he gestured towards the newly installed 5th division captain -Hirako Shinji- to proceed with the next part of the explanation.

"A'right. the thing is Kuchiki, that we have found a rather... interesting person in the academy graduates this year wish we want to make sure is really who she says she is, and also, who we think she is."

Rukia looked curiously at the blonde with new found confusion and dare she say apprehension. She didn't know what to expect from this and as such she had no clue as to what was awaiting her.

"She's someone you might know and we Vizard might have known if we had taken a second to actually follow Isshin's goofy ideas of getting to know his wife. But since we didn't well, we really don't know what to think."

The blonde looked utterly uncaring as he spoke and all Rukia could do was stare at the 5th division captain in hopes that he would stop blabbing and maybe plainly say what he wanted to say. Even if he was insinuating something that might as well have given her a response she just wanted to hear it for herself.

"I know Kisuke knows her but the guy's too lazy to come and told us to call you since you might as well recognize her too. And since you were going to come anyways we thought it would be for the best and not even bothering in committing the dangerous act of dragging Kisuke here. Point is you can do the job so might as well get it over with. You can come in now, my first love~!"

Rukia didn't even have time to sweat drop as the next second the giant door opened and person came visible. She was wearing a rather heartwarming smile and bright brown orbs that made Rukia gap like a fish as she recognized the figure before her that was porting the 13th division emblem of 6th seat and the customary shinigami shihakusho.

The person in question was rather amused by Rukia's expression but ignored it in favor of giving a shallow bow and staring directly at the smirking blonde with an expression of disbelief mixed with mirth.

"If my husband heard you he wouldn't be happy."

Shinji looked utterly heartbroken as he looked about five seconds from crying even if his smirk wasn't quite hidden.

"You hurt me. And here I thought we could start a new life together."

All he got in response was a low chuckle before all attention was shifted towards the petite shinigami that was still gapping like a fish and trying –even if failing- to form a coherent sentence as she pointed an accusing finger at the newcomer.

"Y-you're- you're Ma-Masaki… Ichigo's mother…"

"Well that clears all questions we had. See Sotaichou-chan, I told you she was Isshin's wife."

All the head captain did was groan before waving a hand in the general direction to emphasize his next words. He didn't look particularly amused by the 5th division's captain's nickname but said nothing of it in plain reluctance.

"Then get everything in order yourself. This meeting is dismissed and make sure to do exactly what we discussed with Kurosaki-san."

At the half-heartedly command all those disinterested left in a flicker of shunpo leaving only Ukitake, Shunsui, Hirako, Unohana, Masaki and Rukia in the giant room. As everyone left all Rukia could do was stare at the brunette with new found excitement and happiness that was clearly unhidden to the naked eye. Rukia was happy to have found some good news in coming and for some reason the whole Ichigo-might-be-in-danger situation seemed minuscule compared to this new discovery.

Masaki in contrast held a bright smile through the whole ordeal even as she walked forward to meet with the petite shinigami. She gave a low bow before presenting herself with all the enthusiasm in the world even if she knew that Rukia already knew her.

"My name is Kurosaki Masaki, 6th seat of the 13th division. It is a pleasure to meet you in person lieutenant Kuchiki; I have been told a lot of you from all the captains and your interactions with my son."

Rukia stammered to find a reply but as she did she respectfully bowed as well and gave a firm response even as she held a smile on her face.

"Like-wise. It is an honor to meet you as well, Masaki-san. But please, call me Rukia."

"Very well, if you insist."

The raven head just nodded before turning to look at the approaching captains with a little more confidence. It was generally easier with only those that she treated on a daily basis so she didn't feel as bad when she herself commenced the talk.

"Is she going to come with me to the human world?"

Shinji merely laughed before he waved a hand in the general direction in a carefree way. He didn't really mind the mannerisms so he didn't find it odd when Rukia spoke freely.

"Basically. Though there are some rules you could say. Some stupid rules if you ask me but oh well."

At this all Rukia could do was grin madly and hope Ichigo didn't have a heart attack when all of a sudden his dead mother appeared at his door step. But if he _did_ have one she could always have Isshin on standby just in case.

You can never be too careful.

And hopefully this would help Ichigo out of his funk and maybe even help them progress on their severed ties.

#8#

#Present#

As it turned out, Rukia had little time to get a doctor. This being because Masaki had insisted that Ichigo be the first to know of her presence and also because she had basically run off on her own once she was told _where_ Ichigo lived.

Masaki was actually quite fast for a 6th seat and if Rukia didn't know that she was responsible and would follow the rules to the letter she would have followed after her and in no time caught her. But since she _did_ know, she decided to leave the Kurosaki mother to herself and give her privacy.

Masaki _had _taken the gigai she was supposed to wear when in closed places where nobody would see her so Rukia knew there would be no problems.

But as the brunette finally arrived at the giant house while panting to catch her breath all she could think of was seeing her baby boy –which wasn't much of a baby anymore- and squeeze the living hell out of him. As such, she merely entered the house –without even bothering to knock since nobody would see her anyways- and put on her gigai in a hurry.

She stayed still as she scanned the practically empty house as she heard the loud tick of a clock and saw the clean living room and house in general. She took a deep breath before starting to walk around and found herself in a giant library that was quite messy in comparison to the rest of the house.

She noticed the many boxes and letters lying around and picked one up in plain curiosity. As she flipped it over she noticed the name written on it –along with address- and could only smile in response when she recognized the cover name she had been told Ichigo used.

Masaki bent down to retrieve another before noticing that each and every one of them had the same thing written and came to the conclusion that it was fan mail. She left the first envelop back on the floor and proceeded to move about to examine the boxes while being careful to not step on the letters –which was easier said than done.

She opened a half-open box and peeked inside only to notice a hard covered book with Ichigo's author name neatly written at the bottom left side. She flipped it over to read the back and could only smile at the deep words written that also held such significance to Ichigo's current situation she also felt she would cry.

But as she was about to place the book back in its place a loud noise startled her and she quickly turned around to find her only son with a shocking expression of disbelief and panic and looking about ready to pass out along with a sickly pale coloration to his skin.

Masaki quickly felt her motherly worry erupt as she efficiently discarded the book and went forth to place a comforting hand on Ichigo's cheek while silently noticing how if the orange head wasn't reclined on the wall he would have most likely fallen over.

She also noticed how grown up he was but decided to leave that for later in favor of comforting her little boy; passing a warm hand through orange tresses even if she had to stand on her tippy toes.

"It's alright. I'm right here. I won't go anywhere. Just calm down Ichi."

Ichigo in contrast was hyperventilating and feeling rather light headed. He had just come out of his inner world as he was warned that there was noise outside only to find his mother –his own _dead mother_ for god's sake- in his library looking blissfully unaware of her surroundings. It had been too much for his already broken soul and being _touched_ by some one that might as well be an act of his imagination was not making it easier.

He tried to take a deep breath and concentrate on the soothing voice of his mother along with the caresses he was given before calming down enough to fully scan his supposedly dead mother. He brought up a hand to cup the tear trailed cheek of his mother before noticing that he himself was crying and finally caught up with what was happening.

Ichigo eyed wearily Masaki's expression before concentrating on her warm smile and giving one himself before proceeding to embrace her in a heartwarming hug which Masaki returned in full force.

"Ka-chan, you're real right? I'm not just going crazy right?"

Masaki tightened her embrace in response before giving reassuring ministrations to the orange head. She wanted him to believe she was really there and that would be more convincing than what words could ever be.

"I'm right here Ichigo. I'm right here, you and me. So believe in me. I won't go anywhere."

And when she spoke this she really meant it. More for herself than anyone else but she seriously meant it. She would do anything for her family and her disappearance would only hurt them more. She just hoped she could trust in the blonde captain's word.

_*"Ichigo has done too much for all of us. We believe it is time we repaid that debt and gave him an apology so you'll be free to come and go to the human world so long as it doesn't disrupt your duties as a seated member and goes by the rules. Petty rules if you ask me but rules nothing the less."*_

She really, _really_ hoped it was the truth because Ichigo wouldn't be able to handle it. And more so in the delicate state he was. She would make it her life job to get the orange head back on his feet and nobody would tell her otherwise.

But first she had to make sure those that caused the problem in the first place would see to the consequences. Starting by her idiot of a husband that would get a piece of her mind.

However, her course of thought was quickly disrupted when Ichigo slowly, albeit, reluctantly let go in favor of looking at her face once more. She smiled at the lost expression on Ichigo's expression and couldn't help but chuckle when the orange head only proceeded to look even more dumbfounded.

"What?"

"No, nothing. It's just that you look so cute all lost with watery eyes. It reminded me of when you were a little boy."

Ichigo just scowled at this while trying to not look like a five year old pouting and failing miserably. He might as well cross his arms as well because he seriously wasn't helping his situation.

"I _so_ do _not_ look cute. I am a grown man at the age of 28 so it can't be possible in the first place."

"Well you just did the impossible because that is defiantly how you look."

Ichigo glared momentarily at Masaki while thinking he had done the impossible plenty times enough before quickly changing his expression to that of pure happiness. A smile that had been nonexistent for quite a while appearing on his face and looking as forced as trying to place cereal in a cereal box –basically fitting in perfectly.

And as he did so, Masaki smiled along with him while they both remained blissfully unaware of the petite shinigami hiding in a corner that held an utter expression of pure satisfaction.

Apparently everything had gone better than what she had expected.

To be continued…

**Good day children! Or is is Good night…? Well whatever it is grab your case.**

**I am pleased to see I have updated this fanfiction **

***Finally you wretched bitch!, We have been waiting forever!***

**Now I know many of you are thinking along these lines but let me assure you it was completely my fault so don't worry. I have no excuse –'cause I really don't have one- so you can curse me to the depths of hell if you want –I'll still try to update even surrounded by flames- but let me just tell you that doing so will not make inspiration come faster –that is basically my only reason as to why I don't update- and as such I doubt we'll win something from doing so.**

**In contrast you can review and make the probability of me updating higher! But I guess you don't care much about this now do you?**

**Anyhow, here comes the things people actually care to read about *Placing giant sign so that those that skip the comments might read it***

**IMPORTANT**

**You have finally been informed of who our mystery person was and now have been introduced to the evilness of Kugo Ginjo. We also know that Ichigo is mastering his abilities *Yay!* and as such is being even more OP then what he already is.**

**But here is a fun preview I know you people would have loved to seen at the beginning of this section *I am such a sadistic bitch aren't I?***

**PREVIEW**

"_You want to make a party?"_

_The chappy loving midget merely rolled her eyes as she tried to be patient with the orange haired idiot that was before her. She really couldn't understand why she was trying in the first place but hey, hope dies last._

"_Yes. In Urahara's shop –he owes us at least that. To bond and take some time to relax and just be us. No soul society, no hollows, no powers or talking about regrets of the past. Just that."_

"_And you think this will work because..?"_

* * *

"_You feel powerless don't you? Like a burden. That's why you didn't want to return. That's why you left didn't you?"_

"_Who the hell are you and how do you know all this."_

"_Me? I'm just an old friend."_

"_Never meet you."_

"_But we were meant to meet. After all, we comrades have to stick together, ex-Shinigami-Substitute…"_


End file.
